Unconditional Love still has consequences...

Whether our children are 3 or 30, we always love them. We just might not like what they do. As the parent of adult children, you have the right to take umbrage with what your adult child does, especially when they do something really dumb.

Be prepared when you bring their idiotic choices to the table of conversation. You will be met with hostility, anger and finally the guilt card will be played. "If you loved me..." or "Maybe, if you supported me when I was younger, I wouldn't be in the situation today."

Phrases such as those are designed for two things. 1. To deflect responsibility for their own actions/choices. 2. Create guilt in the parent. Children, especially adult children are very good at doing both. All you can do as a parent is smile and nod. Tell them you are sorry they feel that way and move on. After all, the child in question is no longer 3.

One day, several years ago, my oldest stormed into my house, came barging into my bedroom and began shouting at me. There was no preamble or greeting of any sort. Just hollering. My reaction to hollering is simple. No one gets to holler at me. (Well, maybe my wife but, no one else.) Therefore, I ignore the noise and carry on. When my daughter had finished yelling, I asked if she was indeed finished and told her that she should feel free to leave. "Come back when you can act as an adult." Was the phrase I used.

My daughter was shocked . She never thought I would invite her to leave my home. She did after all, have a place of her own so, why not? As her parting shot she announced that she was no longer my "little girl."

She tore out of the house and her car threw up dirt as she spun her wheels leaving the yard. Guess what. A week later, this woman who said she didn't need me came over and needed my help. Of course, I helped her.

Now, several years later, my daughter still calls me nearly daily. I guess she grew up.

I have friends who's children have done really bad things and the parents have had to tell them the hard facts. The adult children don't like to hear the hard facts. No one likes to hear that they have screwed up or that they are screwing up their lives or worse, the lives of their Spouse and children. But, as a parent, we have a responsibility to be honest with our children, even when they are chronologically adults.

When you are honest in the extreme situation with the offending "child", they don't like it and things can get ugly. Finally they ask: "Why are you doing this to ME?" I recommend at that point, simply remind the person that you are not doing anything. What they are experiencing at this moment are the consequences of their own actions and choices.

So, when your child gets hurtful, remember, at some point you have to force them to face the consequences of their actions and choices. Eventually the bill does come due for everyone. It doesn't mean you don't continue to love that child who is now an adult. You make them face life because you do love them. That's your only job.

Oh, after the confrontation is done, a stiff shot of vodka or other adult beverage is authorized. Give me a call, I'll join you.

As Always...

To smoke or not to smoke...

The question seems simple enough: To Smoke or NOT to Smoke. We all know that it is bad for us health wise yet, millions of Americans still consume tobacco products to the detriment of their health.  Unfortunately, the habit is also to the detriment of the health of everyone around the smoker too.

Before I go any further, let me say that if you are a smoker and you want to continue, that's your business. I am just going to pass along some information and my own experience as a former smoker of 44 years.

I am not going to try and "Scare you straight" with horror stories of former smokers who have died horrible deaths. I won't even post the picture of me in the ICU of the Naval Hospital after open heart surgery. I'm sure you all know about the risks associated with smoking. I was and I chose to ignore them.

But, one day about 10 days after my heart surgery, my surgeon, came to check on me. He was concerned because there had been some major post-operative complications with my case.  Please not that I said this was some 10 days after the surgery. I was originally scheduled to go home 3 days post-op. I asked the doctor if the complications were due to my smoking. He told me that they most likely were. Folks, I had nearly died. Not fun. I scared my wife and children, not to mention many of my friends.

The way I quit after so many years was kind of frightening. The cardiologist was very blunt as she was threading a catheter through my cardiac arteries. She said I needed to quit smoking or I was going to die! She wasn't saying this in a frightening voice. She was very matter-of-fact. Clinical.

When I got back to my hospital room, I told my wife to go home and throw away all my cigarettes. She laughed at me and told me that she already had gotten rid of them.

There are complications to open heart surgery. One of them is damage to vocal function. Well, guess which complication I got. The day after I got home from the hospital, my voice disappeared. I was unable to speak clearly. As it turns out, I have now got a paralyzed vocal cord. Several surgeries later, my voice is stronger but, I have to go to speech therapy regularly to learn the correct way to talk and swallow. All due to my choice to smoke.

I am not complaining. I made the choice. I was warned more times than I can count and I still persisted in smoking. So, this is the price I pay. At least I am still alive to talk about it.

My son is the only one left in my family who still smokes. I hate it. I can't stand the smell and the idea that he would continue to smoke after watching what I went through just baffles me. But, that is his choice.  I got him e-cigarettes for Christmas; at his request. He says he lost them. OK, that's fine. Again, that's his choice. I just read an article that e-cigarettes are not an effective stop smoking tool anyway.

I honestly believe that the best tool for smoking cession is right between your ears. Your brain. If you are a smoker, wanting to quit, you need to get your head in the right place. You have to be ready to honestly quit. If not, it won't work.

I do know that when you are ready to quit, there are a lot of resources out there to help you achieve your goal. It's not easy. A habit of decades will not go away in just a week or a month.  It will take a commitment like none before. I promise that.

Under my circumstances, it was easy to quit. I was scared out of my mind. The prospect of open-heart surgery is daunting to say the least. The doctor's clinical pronouncement really got my attention and from that moment on, I have not had the idea of smoking ever again.

I can smell a smoker from 15 feet away now. I avoid the smell. My food tastes better and I find it easier to do many things. I hope that I didn't wait to long to quit and I can avoid further health problems due to smoking.

Finally, just one other point. When I started smoking, some time around 1969, Cigarettes cost around 25 cents a pack (more or less). Now, with all the taxes etc. a pack of Salem (my brand of choice) cost $ 7.58 (minimum legal price in NJ). $ 2,774.28 if you budget only 1 pack a day. I know that I can find lots of better uses for nearly 3 thousand dollars in a year.

As always...

If I didn't read it, I wouldn't believe it...(or Stupid News)...

I enjoy reading my news. I read all sorts of things: Politics, National News, International happenings and "Human Interest" stories. Sometimes, I run across news stories that seem so stupid that it's hard to believe that they could even be thought of, forget true. I'm sure you have all seen stories that fit this category and have thought that there is little hope for the species if these people are the future, forget about our culture. With this all in mind, I have picked a couple of the best for your enjoyment or horror. It depends on your point of view. Just remember what the comedian says: "You can't fix Stupid."

Our first story begins with a young "Lady" who doesn't know that people other than her friends read the Social Media page "Facebook." It seems that back in February, this young woman of 21 years had been contacted by her probation officer and told to report for a breathalyzer examination. This was in accordance with the terms of the woman's probation. (She was on probation for a DUI offense.) Our heroine reported to her probation officer and had the breathalyzer test administered. She passed and was sent on her way.

Upon returning home, she accessed her personal Facebook page and updated her status. (I paraphrase here as I can't write in the non-english language she used.) "What a buzzkill. Had to go to probation and get breathalyzer (sic). Thank goodness I passed cuz I was out getting wasted last night." Unfortunately, for this flower of American Womanhood,  a law enforcement officer saw the post. (You really should know who you "friend" on Social Media.) As was his duty to do, he reported his discovery to probation. The woman was contacted by her probation officer who, was not pleased at all with the probationer's reported conduct and was told to report immediately for a urinalysis.

Our offender decided that the best way to handle this new development in her legal entanglements was to HANG UP on her probation officer. Now, I have never been on probation but, I do know people who have been. From what they tell me and what I can deduce from other sources; probation officers don't take to kindly to being hung up on. Our alleged offender has a court appearance today. I find it ironic that it's April Fools day.

Stupid News, Part 2.

My youngest son hates the gym "Planet Fitness." I've asked him why and he won't give me a specific answer. I use this establishment and find no fault but, to be fair; I'm an old, fat Sailor and no one will ever accuse me of being a poster boy for physical fitness. I exercise to keep my blood sugar down and my heart working, per doctor's orders. Perhaps this next story is an example as to why my son dislikes this particular organization.

A recent news photo showed an attractive woman in exercise clothing with a caption: "Woman asked to leave Planet Fitness for being too fit."

Excuse me? Isn't that the goal? Planet Fitness defends this policy by saying that the woman's fitness level might offend less fit members. You've got to be kidding me! From my point of view, I would be asking this woman what she did to get and stay so wonderfully fit and would she become my exercise buddy? Planet Fitness should hire her as a spokesperson to show what regular attendance at their facilities can achieve!

I understand that this gym has a policy of not making the less fit feel bad when compared to the more fit but, this is just a stupid situation that should never have happened. As a result of this, I will be canceling my Planet Fitness membership when the year is up (June or July, I think) and joining another "Health Club". It's worth the money in my book not to enrich a company that carries a well meaning policy to extremes. There are plenty of gyms out there. I'll pick one.

Stupid News, Part 3.

Finally, we come to the dumbest and most concerning of all the stupid news stories of late. A 5 year old in an undisclosed Orlando, FL elementary school was prevented from Praying before eating her lunch. She told her parents that she was told by the "lunch teacher" that praying was "bad." When the child tried to pray a second time, she was stopped by the same teacher.  When asked by the parents about this, the school principle stated that he had looked into the incident and no one on the staff remembers ever telling any child that they could not pray at lunch time. (Big surprise.)

Just a reminder for all those who need it. The Constitution prohibits the establishment of a religion by the Government. It doesn't mandate the absence of any religion. Furthermore: the First Amendment guarantees that the "Free exercise" of religion shall not be prohibited. Although the school may be prohibited from promoting a prayer during instructional time, it certainly is appropriate for a child to "give thanks" for her meal prior to eating it.  School employees obviously require further training and closer supervision. I wouldn't buy the "no one remembers" excuse from the principle either.

That's the "Stupid News" for now. I hope you all have enjoyed it. Enjoy your "April Fools Day."

As always...