If you are a friend mine, especially on my Facebook page; you have heard me say that everything is a "training opportunity." By that, I mean that we should learn from everything that happens round us, especially mistakes we, ourselves make.
I'm not saying we should complain about our lot in life or even the mistakes we make. I'm saying we need to occasionally look deep in the mirror of our lives and find where we could have made a better decision or choice and if possible live by that new choice.
Here's an example for you. My relationship with my father was "problematic" at best. I'm not complaining. He's long gone and you can't fix the past. But, as a teenager, I made choices in an attempt to gain my father's attention. My plan didn't work So, I wound up joining the Navy after High School rather than going on to further education.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had worked for my own satisfaction rather than the attention of someone who was never going to acknowledge anything I did or did not accomplish. Of course, this is all academic at this point since, we can't change the past. But, we can learn from it and change the future!
The lesson I learned from this experience was simple: Never let anyone else determine your self-worth! You do NOT need some man or woman in your life to validate your existence or choices.
One interesting thing about the Military and I will use the Navy again as my example: The Navy recognizes the accomplishments of it's people both good and bad. You definitely get all the attention you might need. So, it turned out that if I was indeed looking for some sort of validation, the Navy was a good place to get it. Well, it worked for me.
I was lucky, I found something that I enjoyed doing and a group of people whom I looked up to and I chose to become one of them. Eventually, I found out who I was and how I fit into the whole scheme of this thing we call life. Unfortunately, it was not until I was 33 and my father died that I realized that he was never going to recognize any of my accomplishments.
I spent 33 years trying to please someone else. Now, looking at that in writing, doesn't it seem like a waste of time and energy? To thy own self be true!
We do not need to waste our lives searching for validation and approval from places where they will never come. I can tell you from experience, it's destructive behavior. It's not only destructive to those around you but to yourself.
As hard as it may seem to be at the time, if you are rejected in some way, move along! Learn from the experience and let it go. There are millions of people out there that need to be loved and one of them is for you.
I was very shy growing up. I did not know what to say to girls, now women. My family laughs at me now because, I'm comfortable with everyone. It's because I stopped looking for approval. Once you do that, you can spend time being yourself. Trust me, those who really love you will still love you. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations but your own. Guess what? You can change your mind and your goals. No one will think any less of you. It happens all the time.
Many years ago, this Chief was trying to be Mr. Psychological with me. He asked me who the most important person in my life was. I responded quickly: "Myself" I said.
He replied that my answer was rather self-centered.
As I laughed I told the Chief: "With all due respect; you have no clue. I am the most important person to ME because, if I am healthy physically and emotionally, I am then in a position to help others."
The Chief looked confused. I gave another example: "If you are my neighbor and need a half a cup of sugar and I only have a quarter of a cup, I can't help you. If I pay attention to my home, I make sure I have 5 lbs of sugar in the house so that if a neighbor needs a cup or 2, I can help."
I don't know if the Chief got the point but I'm sure you all do. Take care of yourselves first. Do not worry about those who have done you wrong or hurt you. Do not allow them to "rent space" in your head. Purge them because they do not determine your worth. Only you do. If you feel worthwhile, you will be in a good position to live a happy life, no matter what anyone else thinks or says about you.
As always...
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