Pictured above is Miss Rachel Canning of Morris County, NJ. Of course, this picture was taken in happier times for the 18 year old. You see, it seems that this young Miss was unhappy with the rules of her parents's house and so, in a fit of "spoiled brattiness" she "moved out."
It seems this all happened in October of 2013 but, Rachel's idea of "moving out" is slightly different than mine. I moved out when I was 19. I too, moved out of my father's home in Union County, New Jersey (about 20 minutes from Morris County) but, when I moved out; I joined the United States Navy, supported myself and never looked back. When I came home, it was to visit.
Miss Canning moved in with her best friend's family and now expects her parents to continue to support her. This expected support to take the form of tuition in the local private Catholic High School (Rachel's senior year), a car and living expenses and an "allowance." This daughter of the Garden State and flower of American youth further expects her parents to pay college expenses.
She is so secure in her claim that she has convinced the father of her best friend to finance a law suit against her parents in order to be declared a dependent student.
There are several issues here that just cause my insides to churn and my head to ache. First, is the idea that a teenager who makes a choice to leave her parent's home now faced with the realities of the situation expects those same parents to continue to pay her way simply because she is their daughter. She maintains that her mother and father "threw her out" of the family home. In their defense of the law suit, the parents maintain that Miss Rachel left in a "huff" after an argument over curfew and chores in the home.
The second issue that just drives me to distraction is the fact that the "best friend's" parents are financing the law suit. As the father of two girls, I can fully understand the idea of taking one of my daughter's teenage girl friends in for one night as as a cooling off period after a big argument with her parents. Of course, I would take her in rather than leave her out in the cold. It does get rather chilly in northern New Jersey in October. After allowing the girl to spend 1 night, my next act would be to call her folks and let them know she is safe and secure for the evening. My second action would not be to plant the idea of a law suit against the parents in the girl's mind or in any way facilitate that legal action. I would however, counsel the young lady to go back to her parents in the morning after tempers and emotions have calmed down and work the issues out as the adult she claims to be. That is what adults in families do.
Once the friend's parents allowed the girl to remain in their home for months on end, they undermined the position of her parents as parents who know what is best for their daughter. Remember, what the friend or her parents think is right or wrong in this family situation is not relevant to the issues. Only three people can solve this problem: Mom, Dad and Daughter.
This is exactly what I hate about children reaching the age of majority at 18. I understand the reasoning behind it but as a practical matter, it doesn't work well in many cases. For that matter, I know a lot of 21 year olds who have no business calling themselves adults either.
But, in the situation we are discussing, it is very clear what has happened. We have a young girl who was raised with most of the advantages life has to offer. When she reached the age of majority, she decided that she no longer had to follow the rules of the home as set down by her parents. Remember, it is the parents who are paying the bills in the home. There's an old rule that is still valid today, "My house, my rules." As long as the rules are not abusive, if the girl wants the advantages of living in the home, she has to follow the house rules. It's a simple concept.
It seems that the New Jersey court agrees. Yesterday the judge in the case denied the request of the plaintiff, Miss Rachel Canning for her parents to pay her High School tuition, living expenses or provide an allowance to the young lady. the question of college tuition is still to be decided. April 2, is the next court date.
Of course, this all could be avoided if Miss Rachel would just talk to her mother and father, move back in the home she has always been welcome in and keep her room clean and; God forbid, help Mom around the house a little bit!
The age of entitlement, come home to roost!
As always...
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