What I've learned in a month.

As many of you know, the month of May was a difficult one for my family and me. Now, we are quickly moving into the summer months and the middle of June will be here before we know it. In the intervening period between family tragedy and today's tranquil Sunday morning, I've had lots of time to think. You all know my attitude about thinking to much. It's dangerous.

I've been thinking about what is truly important in this life. I can only speak for myself, however; I'm told that I am pretty smart and have been around the block once or twice. With all of that in mind, I will, with your kind permission share what I have learned (or relearned) in the past month.

Things are just that. Things. they have no value except what we, in our own mind place upon them. Although having nice things is pleasant, we do not need them. If you are defining your happiness by the things you surround yourself with, it may be time to reevaluate. Possessions can always be taken away.

I grew up with lots of "Things." But, I felt alone and afraid for most of my childhood and much of my youth. Being afraid of everything is a horrible way to live. It's a terrible secret. Our society does not reward fear. Certainly there was no help in the Navy for a young Sailor who was afraid of his own shadow. So, what to do?

The answer to the big what to do question is a simple one. Fake it! I faked it. For many years, I went about my daily chores, performed my duties made friends and had relationships as a person I was not. I pretended to be confident. I probably came off as arrogant and over confident. Arrogant.

There were very few people with whom I could let my guard down. Finally, something changed. I became so depressed that I contemplated the unthinkable. My mom picked up on the fact that something was wrong and made me promise to get help. Well, we all know that you can't break a promise to your mother. I got help.

After a nearly career ending stay in the hospital, I was better and learned to take life on life's own terms. But, more importantly, I stopped TRYING to get people to like me. I began to just be myself. I set a new goal. I was just going to be happy.

I had long told people that YOU must be the most important person in your life. If you are that important person, you will then be able to be useful and helpful to others around you. But you must take care of yourself first. I finally started to take my own advice.

Once I did this, I found that I could not only do better at work, I was much better with my family. I became a better husband and father. Then it was time for the next lesson.

The most important lesson came simply. When my dear mother got sick and died, that was the end of my parents and I came face to face with the idea that my generation was next. I was now part of the "Elder" generation. How would I handle this?

Once again, life is full of simple answers. Family and relationships. For me, these are what matter the most. I am fine with myself so, I can concentrate on family and friends. We do not walk alone.

I am not speaking in the Spiritual sense.  We spend our time in this life touching other lives. We must make a choice. There are three ways we can go.

1. Isolation. Live your life cut off from the rest of the world. Become an enigma. Have little or no effect on the world around you or the people in it.

2. Be a negative influence. Choose to be negative. Live only for your own ego. Cut and slash and burn all around you. Tear people down to make yourself look and feel good. Have lots of aquaintences but no real FRIENDS. Blow your own horn, you are the only one listening.

3. Be a positive influence. Coose to be happy. Spread that happiness around you. Place your ego's needs last. Be humble. You would be surprised how rewarding a little humility is. Live a modest life. You would be amazed how less stressful your life can become when you stop trying to keep up with the people down the street. Be true to yourself.

It seems to me that the choice is simple. I want to be in the number 3 catagory. It's easier to write about it than it is to live it but, life is a work in progress.  Don't be afraid to fail.

In the Navy, 4.0 was the minimum standard. They told us that it was the goal to shoot for but, in reality, if you were not 4.0 you were "less than." You were marked as a failure. The military, because of the nature of it's business has got a "Pass/Fail" mindset.

But, the important thing to remember is: Life is not "Pass/Fail". We are allowed to make mistakes and we get lots of "Do Overs." The goal is to be happy!

With all of this, what have I learned in the past month? Life, my friends, is short. It is an amazing GIFT which can be taken away in the blink of an eye. Do not take it for granted.

Do your very best  but realize that you may fail. Also realize you may just wind up in the middle of the pack. Someone has to come in second or even third. There is no shame in that, as long as you did the very best you could.

You can't change the past The past is done. There is nothing you can do about it and you probably couldn't change it even if you could go back and try. Let the past go.

You can't make life choices for others. If someone you care about has made a choice which hurts you, you have to let it go. Just let it go. That's the end of the story.

An example of my last little rule is my older sister. For some unknown reason, she chose to cut my family and me out of her life, completely. She had done this with my brothers Mickey and Phil so, I shouldn't have been surprised when she did it to us. It was a matter of time.

For a long time, this bothered me. I adored my older sister. I tried to figure out why she would do such a thing. I came to no conclusion. But, with the passing of my brother Phil I discovered that you really can't make life decisions for other people. All you can do is accept those decisions as part of life and move along.

My wife, children and grandchildren are what is most important. FAMILY! It continues long after we are gone. Friends continue after we have departed. I would rather be missed by a few than forgotten by thousands. If I can be a positive entity in your life and maybe make you smile occasionally, I've succeeded.

Well, that's what I've been thinking about. I know it may be a little rambling but that's what I get for thinking.

As always...