Sometimes, I don't believe what I see...I I

I took a nap after lunch. When I got up, I felt sort of rested and settled down to see what was on the Television as I enjoyed an afternoon cup of coffee. It turned out that the coffee was much better than the television. My house is quiet right now because, I turned the TV off.

The proliferation of "Low Class" TV "Talk" shows has gotten to the point that I am almost ill. The stories are always the same. Some young person is accusing another young person of "cheating" on them. Now they want a polygraph examination to prove the other person guilty. Of course, the accused swears that he was the "wronged" one in the relationship and this is all for nothing.

I've been in the same relationship for more than 32 years. I can assure you, if my wife lied to me, I would know it. If I was untruthful to her, she too, would know it. I never needed a Television program to tell if we were having a problem.

The problems these couples are having are so trivial, it defies belief. None of these people have any business being in a relationship with their dog or gold fish. Forget about a serious relationship with another person!

Here's an idea for all of them. Go to school! Make something of yourselves. Making Babies doesn't count!

I have seen 20 year old women on television with 5 children. 5 Children!! The problem is, they have no idea who the father of any of the kids are. The women unfortunately, have no skills because they were trying to take care of their children instead of going to school. If they are taking care of their kids at all. Many of these poor unfortunate women continued in their dangerous behavior and left the raising of the children up to someone else.

I know that I am not taking a popular stance here. I am not being "politically correct". I'm not even being understanding. I don't know what the solution to this problem is. Our society has taken bad behavior, elevated it to an art form and then revered it.

In the old days, celebrities walked the red carpet and went out to fancy restaurants. A picture was seen in the news paper and that was it. Most of the better actors stayed out of that "personal life" spotlight. Sure, there were some who had bad marriages and would fight. Some were even famous for it. But, for the most part, you didn't hear of it in the press.

Now, we have celebrities who are famous for being famous. They have no other claim to fame. The bad behavior of our current crop of movie actors is enough to make you sick. It's all on TV and the public loves it!

Pregnant without the benefit of marriage is becoming the norm. I don't really mind that. What bothers me is pregnant without the benefit of any commitment of any kind. We glorify this and then wonder why our youth grow to become unruly.

There's a national smoke out day every year. Let's publicize a National Turn the smut off day. Instead of watching the garbage on Television, everyone read a book. Who knows, it may catch on.

I love to cook.

I've always loved to cook. When I was little, I was unable or not allowed to participate in many activities with the other kids. I would watch my Mother work in the kitchen, creating all sorts of amazing morsels for us. I learned so much.

On television, I always watched Julia Child or Graham Kerr. I loved watching cooking programs. I am happy to look through magazines for recipes or simply cooking ideas.

The other benefit I get from cooking is relaxation. For me, there is something relaxing about planning a good meal, taking fresh ingredients and creating something yummy for family and friends. I love everything about the whole process.

I taught my children to cook, just as my Mother taught me. My oldest daughter is a very fearless cook. She will try anything and does a good job at it too. My youngest daughter started learning to cook when she was around 5 or 6. We started with how to scramble eggs and now, at 24, she can prepare nearly any meal you would like.

Tonight, we will have Chicken Parmesan. I've made the sauce from scratch and the house smells wonderful. I love how the smells of cooking bring memories right up.

I'll be happy because my son-in-law is bringing my granddaughter over tonight and we are all going to have dinner while the game is on. Football, family and food sounds like a wonderful evening to me.

I have a medical procedure on my vocal cord today so I will be unable to speak for 3 days. Hopefully, the food will speak for me and they will all know that I just love all of my family to pieces.

In the mean time, the house smells just like my mother's home when I was growing up. If I close my eyes, I can picture her, at the stove, humming as she stirs the sauce or cooks the chicken.

This all worked out well today because all this preparation was for my oldest Daughter's family. Yes. She, her husband and my Granddaughter are coming over for dinner and a football game. As I write this, the game is over. Our favorite team lost (sad face) but none of that mattered. What was important was the look on the faces of our guests as they had home made sauce and Dad's Chicken Parmesan. They call it Dad's chicken. I, of course think of my mom.

My little granddaughter devoured her chicken and she was a very good girl and ate her broccoli too. It was so great to have her here, running around the living room. Chattering away. Most of her words are unintelligible, but some how, we communicate. She even climbed up to be by me once or twice. Of course, since her Daddy was right there, she hung on to him most of her couch time. Although I would have been happy to hold her, she prefers her Daddy. As it should be.

The "kids" are wonderful parents. They allow the little one to run around and learn things but, they don't let her cross that thin line into the land of unruly behavior. You can just see the love on their faces as they supervise their daughter. They want more children, they've said. I'm sure I don't blame them for that. For me, I'm happy as they are. Trust me, my granddaughter makes me happy. I was feeling pretty low yesterday. I had had a medical procedure done on my vocal cord and was just feeling wrung out. After spending some time with my family, especially the littlest one I was rejuvenated.

So, we started talking about cooking and wound up talking about family. It's not so much of a stretch. We don't cook to simply nourish our bodies. Eating is what you might call a "Primary Social Activity".

Most people don't eat alone, if it can be avoided. We are social animals. We use food for all sorts of occasions. Births, sickness, deaths, accomplishments like graduations, promotions at work and the like. You never really need an excuse to have people get together and socialize. There's always food.

We have an abundance of food in this country. It comes in all forms. Fresh, prepackaged, frozen. The list goes on.When we socialize, everyone notices the food. But, listen to the comments. The highest praise comes when the food was prepared from scratch, using fresh ingredients.

Many people do not know how to cook the simplest things. For one reason or another, that skill eluded some folks. So, many will envy that person who can make something out of seemingly nothing. But, in the end, it's all for sharing with someone we care about.

So, I say, bring back the "Sunday Dinner". Share the events of your week with family or friends or both. Be social over a good bowl of home made soup. Don't just go to that nasty salad bar at the grocery store. Grab up the ingredients and make it yourself. It will taste better and be better for you. When you share it, you will feed not just your body but your soul also.

Parenting doesn't happen by accident.

I didn't get a chance to write a post yesterday. I spent most of the day with various doctors. Mostly, my doctors are at the Naval Hospital. Since I woke up, I decided to write the post I missed yesterday, now.

When my oldest child was little, I read to her. Actually, I read to her while she was in the womb. I read to my little girl every day. It was a wonderful time of day. Weather it was bed time and she was all tucked into her bed or just a break from the day's routine, the scene was pretty much the same. Little child snuggled up to her Daddy; Daddy reading out loud. My daughter always loved that I would use different voices for each of the characters in the story. Sometimes, she would beg me to read a story that she knew perfectly well, simply because she liked the voices I used. I didn't mind. 25+ years later, I smile as I write this.

Now, my girl has a little girl of her own. My granddaughter is everything I could imagine. Wonderful is   not a descriptive enough word to relate what this little one is in my life. She is full of energy and has a ready smile. She doesn't just brighten the room she is in, she brightens the world.

Her Mother and Father read to her. The routine at night is, the young miss crawls up the stairs as she makes happy noises, zips down the hall and into her room. From the rocking chair, she retrieves the Kindle. She then gets to snuggle with her Momma and Daddy and they read to her. The little one loves this.

During the day, my granddaughter will climb up on the couch, sit next to her Momma and try and read whatever happens to be near by. 

The point to this is simple. My daughter and her husband are being parents! They are actively taking a posative role to stimulate their daughter's mind. Their child is just over a year old and she has all ready taken the first important steps to developing the most important skill she will ever have. Reading.

If you ensure your child can read, you give a gift that will serve a lifetime. When each of my children began to formally learn to read, I was happy. When they could finally read without assistance, I did the happy dance. The first milestone of lifetime survival had been completed. I had one less worry.

I did this for all of my children. Today, they all love to read. My granddaughter will also have that gift. How did this come about? It didn't happen by accident. As parents, we designed our children's life so that they will learn the skills they need for life. Reading, Arithmetic and the ability to speak clearly are indispensable tools for success. The best way for our children to gain these skills is for them to be taught not only in schools, but at home. The process starts long before the child ever crosses the threshold of any school.

For this to happen, parents need to parent. All the electronic gadgets need to be turned off now and then. The television is not a baby sitter. The portable game machine or cell phone is not your child's best friend. You are.

A friend told me that when she gets home from work, her youngest daughter can't wait to have "private" time with Mom to relate some urgent personal issue that only Mom can hear about. I love hearing things like that. Imagine, a young girl who is excited to talk to her mother! This relationship didn't happen by accident. My friend worked hard to foster this relationship with all of her children. She parented her children.

So, if you have a child, sit them down and make them learn the multiplication  tables. Read to them. Encourage them to read. Sit down at the family table at meal time. Make sure the television is off and have a conversation. Exchange ideas. The electronic world does not have to constantly intrude upon your world and interfere with you being a parent to your children.

Unconditional Love

Much has been said on the internet about a mother's reaction to her son's "coming out" on Facebook. Although I felt it was a touching story, well presented when I saw it on Facebook, now it is "in the news" also.

When did something that should be normal become newsworthy? I'm talking about unconditional love. Parents are supposed to have it for their children. Family members are supposed to have it for each other. Maybe I am wrong. As my psychaitrist father would say: "Let's explore this".

I'm a Dad. I have always believed that being a good father was my most important job. After all, I would never get a second chance to raise my children. I always taught my kids that no matter what the issue, they could come to me. Certainly, I would always love them. I will go a step further, being gay is not something I would even consider turning my back on a child for. 

If one of my children announced to me that they were gay, no matter what vehicle they used to make this earth shattering revelation, I can tell you all with the most authority I can muster, I would say: OK. We would then move on. 

Many of you may shake your heads and say that I am being politically correct. I beg to differ. Why would I turn my back on my own child for being who they are and admitting it? It's like saying I won't speak to you any more because you didn't eat your dinner. Please. Are there other problems we can discuss? It's simple folks. A parent should not be a source of problems or anxiety in their child's lives. Parents are supposed to be "safe harbors" for their children. We are not just part of the solution. We are the solution for children. We are always supposed to be there for our children, no matter their age.

My oldest child is in her early 30s, married and she is a Mom. If she had a problem and wanted my help, I am a phone call or text message away. I am not saying that we must solve every problem our adult children have but rather, we are part of the solution, as a minimum. Certainly, we are not here to criticize and make the problem worse.

From my own experience I can tell a story.  I adore my sister. She has always been there for me. My sister is gay. She was "in the closet" for many years. We all knew, of course. We are not stupid after all. But, my sister remained hiden. Several years ago, she finally came out. I was very happy for her. Imagine the weight that was lifted from her shoulders when she was finally able to be truthful about herself to those around her. I asked her, what took so long. She gave me an answer that I don't remember. In essence, she couldn't say why. I always thought it was a matter of trust.

In any relationship, trust is the foundation. It has to be. Weather my sister trusted me or not, I don't know. I'm glad she eventually came out to me. By the way, my love for her has not diminished in the least. Her partner is a wonderful woman whom I am very glad to consider my sister also. They are happy. That's what matters. It's not news worthy. It just is a fact of life.

I have friends who happen to have gay children. Guess what. They love their gay child just as much as their other children. It's not an issue. Of course it isn't. Unconditional Love is exactly that. Unconditional!

When did something normal become news? I just can't picture Walter Cronkite, in bygone days, leading off the national news with: "Today in Ohio, 500 parents hugged their children."

I love my children no matter what.  It's that simple. I doubt that will be on the news.

Regrets

This country of ours has some of the most breath taking scenery in the world. I know. I've been all over the world and seen some amazing places. But, I have seen very little of our country. My bucket list is to be able to travel at will to the wonderful places our country has to offer. Along the way, I'd get to visit friends whom I have never met in person. That's my "Bucket List".

A year ago, my need for a list became a reality. I came face to face with my mortality. I've never told the whole story but, with my anniversary approaching, I thought this would be a good time to share. That's what this blog is for; isn't it? Besides, the events of the last year or two have been on my mind. 

People tell me I am smart. Honestly, I don't think I am anything all that special. Most of my life, I've been afraid. I don't know what I have been afraid of, I just am. I try to overcome that fear now, as an adult through reading. I try to learn as much as I can about anything that catches my eye. It seems to work.

When I was a child, I didn't understand that if I learned, I'd have no reason to be afraid. Knowledge is the ultimate equalizer. Your brain can overcome braun any time. Put simply, I was shy. 

I came by this shyness honestly. I was small for my age. I also had a physical handicap. I didn't really understand what Cerebral Palsy was. I just knew that walking, running and generally playing like the other kids was very hard for me. It also didn't help that I had to wear thick glasses. I just didn't fit in. So, I did what a lot of little boys do, I tagged along with my older brother.

I idolized my big brother. Mickey was everything I was not. Strong, coordinated, confident. He could make friends easily and he did. Although he tortured me on a daily basis, I still tried and tried to fit in with him. This led me to start a habit which stayed with me for more than 40 years and nearly killed me.

I started smoking cigarettes. Now, you all can look at me today and tell me how silly this was. If Mickey didn't want me around, destroying my health wasn't going to change things. I didn't realize that as time went on, my brother would eventually look upon me as a friend. I wanted to be accepted, right away. I was lonesome.

When I was 11, Mickey got into trouble at the local public school. My father decided it was time to send Mickey away to Military School. The school was, well; to me it was amazing. But, it was the place that took my "big brother"away. Mickey went away to school for half a year. While he was gone, I missed him terribly.

He came home for spring break and eventually, summer vacation. I continued to tag along and smoked Marlboro Cigarettes.

I followed my brother to Admiral Farragut Academy the next year. While we were both there, I tagged along, just like at home. I continued to smoke. The difference being, at school I had to hide when I smoked. That's OK. There were a lot of kids who were to young to smoke. We all had a sort of club. (At the time, you had to be 16 and have parental permission to smoke at school.)

Life continued. Mickey left school eventually, joined the Navy for 3 years. Got out. Went to a trade school, got married and divorced. Life.

I joined the Navy. I finally came out of my shell with the help of real friends in the Navy. Married. I'm still married to the same wonderful woman. We have 4 grown children. I continued to smoke. But, I did get one wish.

My brother, Mickey and I would talk most days, at least once. Sometimes, more than once. Mickey told me that I was his best friend. You can only imagine how happy that made me. That is something I had wanted to hear all my life. Now, I had arrived! Not only was I Mickey's friend. I was his best friend. I lit another cigarette.

Unfortunately, as does sometimes happen, life throws curve balls. Mickey developed a very serious drinking problem.  He used to say, it wasn't a problem for him. He was a drunk and only hurting himself so, leave it alone. My brother lived across the country. I was in Virginia and he was in Arizona. He didn't want my help and I was to far away to do anything. His wife wouldn't do anything but drink with him so, as he said: He was only hurting himself. I lit another cigarette.

In the late evening of September 20, 2011, my phone rang. It was my sister-in-law. My brother Mickey had died. The alcohol finally did win. He died in their rented trailer, in a trailer park, not far from Kingmen, Arizona. Alone. I stayed up all night, smoking cigarettes.

Just shy of a year later, life continues. At the beginning of the year, My oldest daughter and her husband came to me. Amie had that little girl look in her eye as she smiled and said "Daddy, I'm going to have a baby!" Tears and hugs all around, we celebrated the joy of this news. I continued to smoke.

My granddaughter was born in August. Happy doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. I love being a Grandfather (Nono).

It's many a sailor's dream to wake up unclothed in a room full of women.  In the second week of September, last year I lived that dream. There was only one problem. I was in the Cardiac Cath Lab at the Naval Hospital.

My doctor is an extremely talented woman as is her staff of Navy Hospital Corpsmen. They were all women. I am thankful to each of them. After being wheeled into the room, prepared and sedated, the doctor came in and inserted a catheter into my groin and up into my heart.. I was all drugged up so I do not have real clear memories of specifics of this. However, I do remember one important part of this evolution.

The doctor looked at me and said; "You need bypass surgery and you have to quit smoking or you are going to die!"

Honestly, it had never been put to me quite that way. Any idea I may have had to continue to smoke, was gone. It was purged from my system. Done.

When I got back into my room, my dear wife was waiting for me. She sure has stuck by me through thick and  thicker. I told her to get rid of all the cigarettes we had at home. She laughed and told me she already had. Trust me, I was not mad. I was scared.

It's been a year, minus a day or two. I do not miss smoking. I do still miss my brother. But, we can't bring those who are gone back. I can't change the past. I started smoking because I wanted to fit in. That didn't really work to well. I had to live most of my life before I realized what my mother told me was true. Be yourself. People will like you just fine for who you are. If you have to "act" for someone to be your friend they are not.

I don't know why I didn't believe my Mom. I guess that's just part of life. I think of all the money I've wasted on  cigarettes. Stupid. Because of that nasty habit, I nearly died. Again, stupid.

For you smokers out there, I didn't write this to give you a lecture. You are all grown. You all make your own decisions. If my story makes a difference, great. If not, that's fine too. I am not qualified to tell anyone how to live their lives.

I don't have many regrets in my life. 1 year later, I have one less to worry about. 

I'd like to thank the Doctors, Nurses, Hospital Corpsmen and other staff at Naval Medical Center, Portsmouth for all they have done for me and all they continue to do. You truly are "First and Finest".

Got to have music.

I love music. I've been exposed to music all of my life. My father played piano and we were all required to take lessons. Except my youngest brother, Phil. I didn't keep up with the piano as I should have but, in 7th grade, began saxophone. I did pretty well and played until I joined the Navy. I would have kept it up but youngest brother and his friends destroyed my saxophone. I don't know why. I never got a valid reason.

My sister kept up with the piano for many years.  She and I used to sing together quite often. I used to know a lot of Christmas music with lyrics in Latin. Mimi and I used to sing those in August. Drove Mom crazy. Ahhh, fun times.

There was a lot of classical music in our house. My father was particularly fond of the operas of Richard Wagner. I still get chills of fear when I hear any Wagner. Mom liked Mozart and the other classical composers. We had to listen to it all during dinner. There was eventually a quiz. We had to know who wrote what piece of music. In some cases, we had to know what greater work it came from. You didn't want to fail that quiz.

It was torturous at the time, but I can still amaze my wife when I can name the composer of a particular piece of music in a movie. 

I do have some Mozart in my iTunes library. 

Once we were able to escape to our rooms as kids, we were permitted to listen to "our" music.The Beatles, Beach Boys, Simon and Garfunkel were staples for me. My older brother leaned more towards the "hard rock"genre of music.It's hard to believe that "The Who" was "hard rock" back then.

As the 1970s dawned, our tastes moved on with the top 40, to the Carpenters and Elton John, etc. Mickey still liked his harder stuff. I remember that he was very upset when Jimmy Hendrix died. I couldn't stand his music, at the time.

Now, I feel old. I have no idea what the top 40 is. Frankly, I have no interest in the top 40 of today. I know I am going to sound like my parents but, most of todays popular music sounds like noise to me. The stuff that my son listens to in his truck sounds like electronic noise to me. I can't listen to it. Trust me, I've tried. Strangely enough, in addition to the electronic noise, my son also enjoys Italian Tenors. 

We were watching TV and a character began singing a love song in Italian. My son really loved it. What's not to love? It was beautiful.

That's what I like. Beautiful music. Give me a nice melody any day. I like humming a tune as I go through my day. From what I hear, you can't do that with much of the modern music of today. I'm glad I have my iTunes. I can listen to what I want.

I miss "American Bandstand". The kids used to rate the song by simple criteria. It had a good beat and you could dance to it. Don't even get me started about Dancing!

Bring back the "Good Ole'" Movies

I'm not a movie critic by any means. I do not have the technical expertise to criticize a movie for things like Camara work, Lighting, Production or Costume design. But, I do know what I like in a movie.

I don't need to see what amounts to 10 minutes of porn to figure out that the heroes are "hooking up". It would be nice if the actors could act. Finally, let's have a plot that makes sense and can be followed by the audience.

I watch a movie to be entertained. I don't necessarily need a "heavy" message. I laughed when the critics paned "The Flintstones"years ago.  Why bother? It was the Flintstones. It's sole purpose was to entertain us. There was no big social message. Fred and Barney screw up. Wilma and Betty love their husbands and take care of the kids. Pebbles and Bambam are cute. The vehicle to bring all of those elements together was not really important to me.

Over the summer, I saw the latest "Die Hard" movie.  I went with Tim. After the movie, he asked me what I thought. I said: "Hmmm, Die Hard. Bruce Willis was in it. It had a pretty woman in it. Stuff blew up. I call it a winner for what it was. We got our money's worth." It was an action movie staring a mediocre actor.  We got exactly what we expected.

Many years ago, "Star Trek, The Motion Picture" came out. Forget that it was Star Trek. The movie was pretty bad. William Shatner is not a good actor. At best he does a fair job. We knew this going in. It was Star Trek. At the time, a long awaited movie. I had fun watching it. Of course the reviews panned it. The review should have just said, "It's Star Trek".

I don't think I can name any really great movies of recent fame. It takes more than special effects to carry a story. When James Stewart, Humphrey Bogart,  Elizabeth Taylor or the like played a part, you believed it!

Patrick Stewart, of Star Trek, The Next Generation fame is classically trained in the art of acting. I watched him for 2 hours, stand on an empty stage and perform "A Christmas Carol"live. There were no special effects. No second takes. No sound editing. Just an actor. It was amazing. 

Let's make some movies that are relevant and of high quality. Oh, that probably won't happen because they won't be commercially successful.  Maybe I will get lucky with Netflix.