Suicide ain't painless....

The world lost an amazing talent yesterday when Robin Williams died in an apparent suicide.  I feel for his family and pray that they will get through this time of horrible grief with as little intrusion as possible. We live in an information hungry world and in the case of death, we have for some reason, an insatiable desire for information. Maybe that is part of our way of dealing with the unknowns of death. That conversation can be for another day. Today's topic is much closer at hand.

I want to talk to you all about mental illness.  When I heard the news of Mr. Williams' death, I was shocked and when I spoke of it aloud, someone in the room said "That's crazy." Well, yes it is. Suicide is not the act of a rational mind. it is the final desperate act of someone who is so ill that they are not thinking clearly and they believe that there is no reasonable alternative to stop the pain  caused by whatever internal struggle they are dealing with.

News reports of this particular death have focused on the fact that Mr. Williams  had a history of addiction. His past addictions are well documented. Further, reports have stated that the "Star" had financial issues and that the cancellation of his recent television program did not help.  It does no good to speculate as to what the cause of this final act was. The fact remains that we and most likely his family do not know exactly what was in his mind when he made that final decision and followed through with it. Except possibly, feelings of despair.

Now, a good many of you can say that with his resources, he could have sought professional help. He very well may have been in the midst of that exact help. The problem is, mental health is not always exact. Sometimes the caregiver is unable to tell that the patient has made a decision. Believe me, that provider is feeling the loss as if a member of his own family had died.

My personal opinion is that Robin Williams was a great talent and fine American. He gave us all hundreds of hours of laughter and tears. He donated his own time to entertain our troops overseas and supported the USO unfailingly. From all reports he was a loyal friend and a good husband and father.

So, what can we take from this tragedy? We must strive to find something positive in all things; what in this? It's simple.

Suicide is NOT painless (like the song says). It ends pain for the victim but intensifies pain for everyone who was touched by that life. Believe me, we all touch so many lives, we have no idea.

Of this, I know what I am speaking. When you are so deeply depressed that you contemplate ending your own life, you believe that it is the right thing to do. The decision seems logical and very clear.  I don't care how much education in the area of mental health you may have, you pay no attention to it.  This is were we as friends and family come in.

It is up to us to know what to look for. If you know someone who is depressed, guide them towards help before the condition worsens to the point of physical harm. Depression is an actual illness. It can be treated. I do not understand why mental/emotional disorders are still thought of with some sort of stigma. It's as if people believe if we do not talk about mental illness, it will quietly go away. We need to have this discussion.

Some 22 years ago, I was suicidal. Fortunately, my mother noticed through phone conversations that something was very wrong and convinced me to get help. If not for that help, I most likely would not be here today. I can look back now and say with conviction that the outcome of my premature death would have been the worst thing imaginable for not just me but, my family would have suffered a blow that they might not have recovered from.

Now, I look back at that time and I wonder how could I have even considered such a thing. You see, it is crazy. With treatment you can be helped. I just needed someone who cared about me to get me to seek help.

Now, I am not saying that Robin Williams just needed someone to help him. I don't know his situation. I do know that suicide is not the act of a rational mind. Leave it at that. This particular death gives us a good reason to begin the discussion.

If you are concerned about depression in yourself or others, there are resources available. Find them and use them. If all else fails, call a friend and tell them how you are feeling until you can get the professional help you might require.

If you know someone who is struggling with depression or some other mental illness, help them get help. If you can, be there for them.

Let's not let the tragedy of this death fade away out of the news cycle. Resolve to be a friend to someone in need. Help them if you can. I don't think it's to much to ask.

For Robin Williams, I wish you peace. I hope the demons have stopped. Rest well. For the Williams family, I pray that you can cope with this most difficult of deaths and move on with your lives.

As always...

Standing by your beliefs may be harder than you think...

We each have a set of principles which we use to guide our actions and decision making.  These principles can be a philosophy or set of "core values." Maybe you believe in a set of Devine rules like the 10 Commandments. These are just a few examples of the types of guides we, as civilized people, use to help us make decisions in our daily lives.

No matter what principles you live by, situations come up in life which are easy to reconcile with our particular beliefs. In those cases, no matter what you believe, I have no problem with you. My problem  occurs when your stated belief system interferes with your desires of the time. We all see this phenomenon every day.

Hypocrites are the most common type of "sinner" you find. They can be found every day, in every place. You don't like the rules of your belief system for some reason so, let's abandon it! Let's go find something that seems more trendy and "hip". There is always something else in vogue that will afford me the recognition I so dearly crave and rightly deserve.

I have an extended family member who, disliking the Catholic church and it's form of Christian worship, switched to the Southern Baptist Church in College. Fine. But, when that Church's rules conflicted with their desires, another change was in order and then another. Finally, it was back to home plate and the Catholic Church was happy to take my family member back.

But, as it is with people who believe in only themselves, this person soon became unhappy with the ways of the Catholic Church. Now it was time to put the Episcopal Church to the test.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with any of the Churches mentioned above. I have no issue with any faith besides my own. I have an issue with someone professing to believe in something when it's easy and abandoning those beliefs when the going gets difficult.

Are the doctrines we live by just words? I can read the Torah but, that doesn't make me Jewish. I can read the Koran and similarly, I have not become a Muslim. The words in these sacred books must be more than just words.

If you are a Christian, The words of the Bible mean more to you than just a written history.

In the past, I have spoken of the Core Values of the Department of the Navy. Honor, Courage and Commitment. I believe in those words. I fully understand their meaning and do my best to live by their spirit. To me, they are NOT just three lofty sounding words.

I discussing the problem of sexual assault in the military with an officer a couple of weeks ago. We agreed on two things. The reason it is such a problem in the military is because it is part of the culture. Worse yet, the Core Values of the services have become "just words." Yes, they are taught to everyone and refresher training is given but, the military culture does not hold everyone's feet to the fire and require that they live by those values and thus, they are just words.

So, those guiding principles have been, in many ways; abandoned.

In short, we wind up in the same situation as the person who jumps from one belief system to another. We wind up with a culture that believes in nothing at all.

My friends, don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in. When it is difficult is when your beliefs need you most. Your opinion may not be popular but, it's yours and you will be respected for standing up.

By the way, my family member now professes to be Buddhist. I won't even get into that.

I hope my ramblings have given you something to think about or at least entertained you.

As always...

Just some thoughts about life in general.

Many people have a difficult time dealing with life on life's own terms. So, in view of recent events in my life and the life of friends and family, I sit, once again at the computer and put together my brand of wisdom. It's free to read and like any free advise; take it or leave it. My humble opinion.

It's nearly 6 in the morning and I have been up for several hours. I'm listening to some easy jazz piano as the rest of the house sleeps. It's looking to be a fairly decent day (for a Monday). Oh, wait! It is a wonderfully amazing day! Let's make a list:

1. I am alive. At 58 and nearly a month, I have outlived my older brother by more than a year! This is a good thing. Any time on this side of the dirt is "good," by any standard.

2. I have family that loves me including a beautiful granddaughter who lights up my heart at the mere thought of her. I make no secret that I love my 4 grown children but, there is a special place in the heart for grandchildren.

3. A second grandchild is soon to be born. Rumor has it that this will be a boy. I'm very happy for my daughter and her wonderful husband. I know that they are great parents and will do a fine job with this child as they have with their daughter. For me, I wish for 10 finger and 10 toes with everything else in the standard places, functioning within the accepted norms. I'm easy to please. My only job is to love and spoil the child.

4. I have pretty good health. With the help of the fine Doctors and Corpsmen at the Naval Hospital, who perform regular medical maintenance on this old Sailor, I should be around for a while longer. I can only hope.

Now, that's enough of a list. In no place on it did I mention the pursuit of wealth or approval from anyone else. We live a rather modest life here. The bills are paid and there is food on the table at meal time. From all reports, the food is better than average.  We have enough to share if someone we know develops a need. That meets our requirements.

The pursuit of unlimited wealth is a fruitless task and unhealthy at best. It is well established in history and in Biblical scripture that the "Love" of money is the root of all evil. We can look at history and see that it is so.

Recently, an high school acquaintance was indicted for securities fraud. The amounts of money this person stole we huge, almost beyond imagining. If his intellectual efforts had been pointed towards his honest labors, think how the outcome would have been changed. Certainly a possibility.

The Navy has been posting on Social Media that they want to know why people serve. Everyone has different reasons for serving their country. I never met anyone who did it for the money.

Another issue that has been on my mind is abusive relationships and how people react to them. Now, I am not going to pretend that I have all the answers but, I am going to give some general advice which has served my family and me well through the years: You do NOT need someone ELSE in your life to validate your worth.

This sounds simple but, in practice it becomes very difficult. We all develop attachments. Friends, Lovers, Spouses, Children. They are all sources of feedback and we like to get "Positive" feedback or affirmation. Praise is nice but not a requirement. Love is nice but if you are not getting it in the relationship you are in, get out and move on!

Interpersonal relationships are a two way street. There are two people in them and there has to be participation which benefits both parties. If you are doing all the giving and the other person is doing all the taking, there is a clear signal that this is not working.

You would be surprised who falls into this "neediness" trap. Someone who may appear strong and independent to the outside world turns to a bowl of jello when it comes to their life partner. This is a bad situation.  You have to learn to let go. A failed relationship is not a reflection of you. It's just a failed relationship. You can have many more. Some will fail. Some will be successful.  Relationships are like fresh fruit, if it is spoiled, you have to get rid of it before it contaminates the rest of the fridge.

Remember, everyone is worthwhile as long as they are honest and sincerely do their best at whatever they choose to do (within the civilized rules).  You don't need my approval or anyone else's.

Finally, I'd like to mention that there are those out there who sell themselves short. They work tirelessly to do for others and then say; "Well, I only do xxx." If you do something for others, you are a special person among the crowd which we call humanity. In this day, we are all worried about ourselves and we tend to forget that a life of service can be one of the most rewarding lives imaginable. I don't care if you send cards to deployed troops or feed the veterans at the VFW at the Friday fish fry. You are supporting those who sacrificed for you. BRAVO ZULU (Means Well Done in Navy Signals). We all serve others in so many ways, don't sell your contribution short.

Sometimes it can be something as small as a greeting  or a smile. Yesterday, a woman with three children and a full grocery cart spilled a package out of the cart. I picked it up for her. You would have thought that I had given her 20 dollars by her reaction. She was so thankful.

To me, it was a small act of kindness. Good manners. But, my small gesture meant a lot to the woman who just did not have enough hands to do everything she wanted to do at that moment.  You never know.

Well, that's it for today. I hope what I had to say made some sense. If not; chalk it up to the ramblings of an insane old Sailor. In any case, stay safe and remember: Happiness is a choice.

As Always...

If we can "force march" our children, let's bring back the whip!

Well, I've been reading the news again. This is a dangerous activity for me. When I read the news, I start to think. When I think, I get kind of angry at the just downright dumb things people do.

Today's news story winner is: Tammy Holland. The principle of Manchester Elementary School, located just outside of Fayetteville, NC.

The problem was simple. Several children failed to wear their school uniforms on the last day of the school year. Did Ms. Holland gather the offending children in the office or auditorium and notify parents? Did she direct teachers to give the offending children an incomplete for the final day? Did she just shrug her shoulders and say; "Oh well, it's the last day of school. Kids will be kids." ?

No! Not our heroic educator and molder of young minds. She allowed her ego to take over and decided to "think outside of the box", WAY, WAY outside of the box. She directed that the offending children be taken to the school's dirt track and be forced to trudge around outside, in the heat, without water until a parent either produced a uniform or picked their child up. Wow! They are serious down in North Carolina. Is forced marching in the school district handbook?

During this "punishment march" the temperatures  climbed beyond the high 70's and humidity made the temperature seem worse. But, staff was forbidden to administer hydration to the children .

When the one parent who was quoted in the news story was contacted by the school, she was neither told of the emergent nature of the situation or the urgency required in getting to school.

The superintendent of the school district has said that "IF" there is an issue, it will be addressed.

In this day and age of political correctness and "fairness" to all, how can a school administrator think that this solution was the correct action to take? All of this because of a uniform infraction which was a miscommunication to begin with.

If there is an issue was the question. I think it is fairly obvious that there is an issue with Ms. Holland.  After this incident, I would not trust her with the safety of a goldfish! Forget about any child.

Heat illness are life threatening. Anyone working at any task outside in heat and humidity needs to stay hydrated. The human body goes from well regulated to overheated and shut down in a matter of minutes! Children are very susceptible to this type of injury. Yes, even children know to stay hydrated. Who remembers drinking water from the nearest garden hose as a child? I sure do.

One day last week, my wife was working on one of her projects outside in the heat and failed to stay hydrated. She suffered horrible cramps and nausea. Not to mention nearly debilitating headaches. It took 2 days before she was feeling like herself again.

I hope Ms. Holland is removed as principle of the school in question and is not put in charge of children in any other school.

For the rest of us, stay hydrated. If you are outside, bring a water bottle and use it.  Better to drink a little water (Not soda) and remain healthy than risk overheating and winding up in the hospital, or worse.

As always...

Dear Abby...

First of all...Happy Father's Day to all those Dads, Granddads and those posing as "Dad". I hope you all enjoy your day.

Now, on to the subject at hand. I read with interest a "Dear Abby" column this morning from a woman who's mother-in-law watches her children "free" of charge but always asks her to bring a pack of cigarettes over. The young mother doesn't like doing this and wanted a way to tell her mother-in-law how she felt.

"Abby" advised the woman to look on the American Lung Association web site and research the ill effects of second hand smoke on children and then use that as a reason to not buy the cigarettes. Abby, your advice is usually good but, in this case it's not quite on the mark.

Having been a smoker for 40+ years and now a non-smoker, I can tell you that the only way to get someone you care about to quit is to be straight up and honest with them. Our letter writer need not find an excuse such as her children's health to avoid buying cigarettes. She need only say: "Mom, I have nothing but love for you and do so greatly appreciate you watching the children for me. However, your smoking is not healthy for you or any of us. I know you want to see the children grow and become adults and for those and many other reasons, I will no longer enable your smoking habit.

For the cost of a pack of cigarettes, you can get a bouquet of fresh flowers at Walmart or a convenience store. Bring her the flowers instead. The house will smell better and they look nice too.

The letter writer said that her mother-in-law had been trying to quit for years. This action would help her by making it inconvenient for her to smoke.

Of course, there is always the open heart surgery option for quitting. It worked for me. But, it doesn't work for everyone.

I guess my point is simple: If there is someone in your life you would like to quit smoking, tell them! Don't make excuses. None are necessary.

For all my friends who still smoke: I wish you would quit. But, if you continue I will remain right by your side, as I always have been. I know, when the time is right for YOU, it will happen. But, I won't be bringing a pack of smokes over to your house for you.

As Always...

70 years later...Why we fight remains the same.

In the predawn stillness of the French coast, the English Channel erupted into a hell on earth, the likes of which had never been seen before. The invasion of Europe had begun and the end of the beginning (as Winston Churchill referred to it) started.

That was 70 years ago today. Tens of thousands of allied fighting men would give their lives on this fateful day in 1944. They all knew the risk and they did their duty, not for themselves but rather to preserve freedom throughout the continent of Europe and thus the world.

The operation was called "Overlord". Today, that name is common knowledge but 70 years ago, few people knew what it meant. General Eisenhower called this day the "Day of days." He would stake his reputation on the success or failure of the landings and waited for reports from beaches called "Juno, Sword, Utah, Omaha, Home and Gold. These were the names of the beaches were the troops came ashore. A place called Normandy.

The plan was not foolproof and victory was far from assured but, the allies had done their best to anticipate every contingency in their attempt to break through Hitler's "Fortress Europe". Truly, the outcome of the war would hang in the balance on this day.

The allies fought to restore justice and freedom to the Continent of Europe and from there; the rest of the world. The war in the Pacific would still have to be won but the defeat of Germany would come first.

In the end, our way of life is preserved and 5 generations have been born since that fateful day, 70 years ago.  We see our children grow in happiness and prosperity as they raise children of their very own because of the sacrifice of those brave men of Operation Overlord. They fought so our way of life could continue.

Many years ago, I was just a teenager watching a movie about a WWII Admiral and my mother walked in the room. She stopped and watched for a few minutes. Turning to me, she had a tear in her eye and said "He was a great Admiral. Let's hope we never need one like him again." That sentiment still holds true today.

To call those WWII Veterans "The Greatest Generation" just doesn't seem to be enough. But, it will have to do.

To all of our WWII veterans, especially those who stormed the beaches of Normandy 70 years ago today, a special prayer of thanks on this "Day of days."

As always...

Let's look at a real hero.

In an effort to stay away from politics, I've slowed down my blog. However, recent events in the National news drive me to sit at the computer and share some thoughts about the subject of Prisoners of War.

Recently, a certain United States Army Sergeant was released from captivity in Afghanistan.  He was reported to be the ONLY United States Prisoner in that theater of operations. His release was immediately hailed as a victory for the United States and our cause to defeat the Taliban. Having survived years of captivity, the Sergeant was hailed, a HERO!

As the days passed and the news cycle chugged along, stories began to circulate that the media's newest hero was not quite what he seemed.  Questionable "twitter" posts were deleted but still made it into the media and stories about this soldier began to surface from members of his own squad/platoon which called the character of our "hero" into question.

It would seem that rather than being hailed as a hero, many believe that he needs to be prosecuted as a traitor to America. Now, Treason is a very strong word and as a crime in the United States, it is very specific. If the stories of desertion while deployed in an Hostile Fire zone are true, the very serious charge of Desertion (Article 85; UCMJ) may be brought. Under the circumstances, the penalty can be as grave as death or such other punishment as a Courts Martial may direct.

I mention all of this because I do not believe any of it will happen. In the political climate that this country now enjoys, it has been said that the Soldier involved has had enough of a harrowing experience that he and his family should not "suffer" any more. As this is my blog, I get to voice my opinion. This is in fact the wrong attitude. Members of the Uniformed Services of the United States are held to a higher standard than civilians. Many civilians do not understand that standard. This is exactly why civilians do not sit in judgement at a general courts-martial.

If the Sergeant did in fact desert his post, an investigation in accordance with the Uniformed Code of Military Justice should be undertaken to determine the facts. Furthermore, if while a "captive" if this same service member did not comport himself to the best of his ability with the Code of Conduct for Prisoners of War, that too is cause for discipline. Only by appropriate investigation by proper authority, free of political pressure can the people of this country maintain faith in our government and it's armed forces.

Above, you will find a picture of a hero of mine. Vice Admiral James B. Stockdale, USN (RET) (1923-2005). You may notice the Medial of Honor the Admiral wears. He received it for his conduct while the Senior Prisoner of War in Vietnam. One of his most noteworthy acts was that he beat his head and face against a stone wall just before he was to be filmed for propaganda pictures. This action, together with his leadership of the other prisoners helped convince his captors that they could not use the Americans for propaganda and conditions improved.

As a 19 year old Seaman, on my first ship; in 1976, I met Admiral Stockdale when he visited our ship in Holly Loch, Scotland. He addressed the entire crew through the ship's TV system and told us some of what had gone on while he was a prisoner. Admiral Stockdale was a modest and soft spoken man who when he spoke and a conviction in his voice which told all of us that he was absolutely convinced of the "rightness" of what he was doing, both when he was a prisoner and then, inspiring  Sailors to always do their duty first, last and always.

It's been 38 years since the day I got to shake the hand of an honest to goodness American Hero. I remember it like it was yesterday. I imagine I always will.

In view of the stories about America's latest POW, I thought you would might like to hear the story of how one Sailor met the challenge of combat and capture. Certainly, no stories of desertion or collaboration surround his name.

Read more about VADM James Bond Stockdale via Google.

As Always...