I don't know if I have said this here before but, I am a big Bill Cosby fan. I've listened to and watched "The Coz" since the 1960's. I still laugh when I think of him doing his impression of Noah, speaking to the Lord in modern times about the Ark.
I have the complete collection of "The Cosby Show" on DVD and it's available on Netflix as well. When I got the DVDs, I was watching the programs with my youngest daughter. We were laughing and enjoying the shows when all of a sudden she turns to me and says: "You learned to be a parent from watching The Cosby Show!"
I laughed and finally admitted that she may have hit upon something. But, she is not completely correct. You see, Cosby always took a common sense approach to raising children. It seems to me that he had the same rules that I had in my house.
The rules were not the same because we copied each other. On the contrary, they were the same because they made sense. It's true that Mr. Cosby and I have a lot in common. We are both very charming and outgoing. We have a zest for life. We are both Navy Trained. But, most importantly, we believe in rules.
We believe that everyone should live by a set of rules and be held to account for their actions. If you fall short of the rule, there is a consequence. Watch his various programs, they all have the same message. Every time one of his children in the program ran afoul of the rules, there was a consequence.
The consequence was not cruel or violent. It was usually measured against the offense. It was tempered with love and it was effective. Most of all, he was consistent.
There was no permissiveness on the show. All the characters had expectations placed upon them and were required to live up to those expectations. Nothing wrong there. There was a mutual respect in the home. Although children argued and and complained about each other, in the end; problems were resolved and it was clear that everyone cared.
These are not new ideas and I tried to explain to my daughter that; I didn't need Mr. Cosby to show them to me. Maybe he learned to be a parent from me!
Actually, we both have that same common sense that doesn't seem to be so very common any more. Problems in a family are over thought and made more difficult than they have to be. We worry about the long term affects of disciplining a child or weather we are forcing a child to make a choice baed on society's idea of what a particular child's role "should" be.
I saw a young mother and father debate the merits of buying their 18 month old daughter a baby doll. They debated for 20 minutes. It seems that one parent was concerned that they would be forcing the child into the role of a "mommy" wether she liked it or not. When I was asked my opinion, my response was simple. "Does she want the dolly?" I asked. If she wants the dolly, get it for her. If she wants an M-16, get that.
Why make things harder than they need to be. Be consistent and firm. Be fair. Don't be violent. Temper each encounter with a child with the love that you feel for that child. Guess what... You can't go wrong.
My wife told me that my granddaughter's newest trick is to climb up on the chairs to her little table and then climb on the table. She knows this is not allowed. If she stands up on the chair and sees an adult looking, she will sit down, quickly. My response is simple. It's time for "Time out". Every single time she does it, give her a time out. Even if she sits down when you catch her. The only reason she is sitting down is because you caught her. She's guilty of the infraction. Time out!!
Guess what! She will learn real fast that this is unacceptable and she will stop. I'd solve that problem within 3 days. Children need to know that parents are serious. But, I can't say anything because I have not been asked. I can vent here because my oldest daughter and her husband do not read my blog. If they do happen to read this and I have offended them: sorry about that. Love you bunches.
The hardest part of being a parent is saying "NO". Children are going to cry and whine and stomp their feet. They will scream and yell and throw tantrums like there is no tomorrow. But, in the end it is the responsibility of the adults to prepare the child for the real world. In the real world, we do not always get what we want. Crying about it is not acceptable.
You are allowed to come to Mom and Dad's and cry on our shoulder. As long as Mom and Dad are alive, our children are just that, our children and we will be there to pick up the pieces but, it is our children whom we have said No to and prepared for life who must go out and live that life. Unfortunately, we can not do that for them.
If we do not start at the beginning and raise our children right; with common sense approaches to simple problems and consistent expectations, we will have failed as parents in our primary task of preparing our children for life.
So, to my youngest daughter: I did not learn to raise children by watching "The Cosby Show." Watching it showed that there are other people out there who think along the same lines as I do. Besides, Bill Cosby is an amazing talent.
As Always...
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