Veteran's Day and what it means to me.

Today is the day that Veteran's Day will be observed but, traditionally, the observance is marked on the 11th day of November. This stems from the end of World War I. The hostilities were to end at the 11th hour on the 11 day of the 11th month. Armistice day was "born."

The name remained until 1954 when in October of that year, President Dwight Eisenhower signed a Presidential Proclamation changing the name to Veteran's Day. The Federal Government always observes holidays on a Monday with few exceptions and so, this year, Banks will be closed and there will be no mail delivery even though the actual holiday is tomorrow; 11 November.

To my mind, every day should be Veteran's day. I say this not because I am a Veteran but, because we, as a people owe so much to the Veterans who have willingly given so much to this country and our way of life. Without those who were willing to serve and those who still serve today, who knows what our country and in fact; the world we live in would be like.

There are still Veterans of the Second World War surviving, although their numbers dwindle daily. Many of my generation have family members who served in the Korean War (I can't call it a conflict. Read the history. it was a war.) Of course, there are tens of thousands of Veterans of Vietnam and later wars.

The amazing thing about all the Veterans is that most did not need to be drafted and all after 1975 have volunteered. Most of you know that the United States has an "all volunteer" military but, unless you have served, do you know what the promise those men and women make in order to serve?

I'm sure few of you know the specifics. Many civilians think of the military as just a "Government Job." Sure there might be some danger involved but, on the whole, people who serve in the military are just to lazy or uneducated to get a "real" job.

These statements have been made to me in the past and I have even seen them in print as recently as this past summer, during the congressional campaigns. Those statements are made by uninformed, ignorant people who really have no business talking about anything they know nothing about.

Beyond the intelligence required to complete modern military training, I'd like to just mention the one thing that separates once and for all, military from civilian work.

Members of the United States Military promise to give their life for their country. I know no stock broker or news reporter or op-ed writer who is required to make that promise as a condition of employment.

There is a document which all members of the U. S. Armed Forces must sign. It's call the "Code of Conduct" for members of the Armed Forces of the United States.

I've mentioned this before but, it bears mentioning again:

Article 1.

I am a member of the Armed Forces of the United States of America.
I serve in the forces that guard our country and our way of life.
I am prepared to give my life in their defense.

Each and every member of the service since after the Korean War has had to make that same promise, in writing. The code goes on and talks about conduct in combat, in command and if captured. But, for the purposes of this blog the relevant portion is quoted (From Memory).

We, as a Nation owe all our Veteran's a debt which can never be repaid. Many Veterans suffer invisible injuries which they carry with them for the rest of their lives. As they bore their service, they bare the burden of their injuries in silence, with dignity and grace. So, today; please remember all of our Veterans. Thank them for their service and the unbelievable sacrifice each has made to secure the freedom of our Nation.

To all my family who are Veterans and all my friends who proudly can use the term: Veteran, I thank each of you for your service, sacrifice and dedication to duty and all of us.

I pledge Allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the Republic for which it stands,
one nation under God, indivisible,
with Liberty and Justice for all.

As always...

The poet said it best..."To thy own self be true."

If you are a friend mine, especially on my Facebook page; you have heard me say that everything is a "training opportunity." By that, I mean that we should learn from everything that happens round us, especially mistakes we, ourselves make.

I'm not saying we should complain about our lot in life or even the mistakes we make. I'm saying we need to occasionally look deep in the mirror of our lives and find where we could have made a better decision or choice and if possible live by that new choice.

Here's an example for you. My relationship with my father was "problematic" at best. I'm not complaining. He's long gone and you can't fix the past. But, as a teenager, I made choices in an attempt to gain my father's attention. My plan didn't work So, I wound up joining the Navy after High School rather than going on to further education.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had worked for my own satisfaction rather than the attention of someone who was never going to acknowledge anything I did or did not accomplish. Of course, this is all academic at this point since, we can't change the past. But, we can learn from it and change the future!

The lesson I learned from this experience was simple: Never let anyone else determine your self-worth! You do NOT need some man or woman in your life to validate your existence or choices.

One interesting thing about the Military and I will use the Navy again as my example: The Navy recognizes the accomplishments of it's people both good and bad. You definitely get all the attention you might need. So, it turned out that if I was indeed looking for some sort of validation, the Navy was a good place to get it. Well, it worked for me.

I was lucky, I found something that I enjoyed doing and a group of people whom I looked up to and I chose to become one of them. Eventually, I found out who I was and how I fit into the whole scheme of this thing we call life. Unfortunately, it was not until I was 33 and my father died that I realized that he was never going to recognize any of my accomplishments.

I spent 33 years trying to please someone else. Now, looking at that in writing, doesn't it seem like a waste of time and energy? To thy own self be true!

We do not need to waste our lives searching for validation and approval from places where they will never come. I can tell you from experience, it's destructive behavior. It's not only destructive to those around you but to yourself.

As hard as it may seem to be at the time, if you are rejected in some way, move along! Learn from the experience and let it go. There are millions of people out there that need to be loved and one of them is for you.

I was very shy growing up. I did not know what to say to girls, now women. My family laughs at me now because, I'm comfortable with everyone. It's because I stopped looking for approval. Once you do that, you can spend time being yourself. Trust me, those who really love you will still love you. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations but your own. Guess what? You can change your mind and your goals. No one will think any less of you. It happens all the time.

Many years ago, this Chief was trying to be Mr. Psychological with me. He asked me who the most important person in my life was. I responded quickly: "Myself" I said.

He replied that my answer was rather self-centered.

As I laughed I told the Chief: "With all due respect; you have no clue. I am the most important person to ME because, if I am healthy physically and emotionally, I am then in a position to help others."

The Chief looked confused. I gave another example: "If you are my neighbor and need a half a cup of sugar and I only have a quarter of a cup, I can't help you. If I pay attention to my home, I make sure I have 5 lbs of sugar in the house so that if a neighbor needs a cup or 2, I can help."

I don't know if the Chief got the point but I'm sure you all do. Take care of yourselves first. Do not worry about those who have done you wrong or hurt you. Do not allow them to "rent space" in your head. Purge them because they do not determine your worth. Only you do. If you feel worthwhile, you will be in a good position to live a happy life, no matter what anyone else thinks or says about you.

As always...

The answer is always right before your eyes...

We live in a world where everyone is constantly wishing you a "Blessed" day. This just drives me to distraction. If you have an understanding of any faith, you would realize that there are several issues with the over use of this phrase which cause problems.

I'm not saying you can't wish people a "Blessed" day. If that is what you feel you must do to mark yourself as a good person, go right ahead. Just don't expect  me to gush with gratitude at your automatic and most likely thoughtless remark.  I always appreciate someone's good wishes but, I happen to know that you wishing me a "Blessed" day means nothing for one simple reason. I am alive and therefore I am enjoying the Blessings of my Faith.

You see, our lives are the greatest Blessing we can have. Look around you. Life is amazing! Amid all the ugliness in the world, you can always find some beauty. It may be the sunrise over a field or a child's smile. It may be the smell of a meal, lovingly prepared by someone who cares more about you than themselves. Two dogs romping in the back yard or playing with your children. All examples of Blessings.

For me, two of the most wonderful blessings I ever received were the return of my two Marine Corps children, safe and sound upon completion of their service obligation.

If you are lucky enough to have Grandchildren, you don't need to hear a word about Blessings or being Blessed. You already know that you are. You are reminded each and every time you look into your grandchild's eyes.

Let's move on to more practical matters. This month marks 2 years since doctors at the Naval Medical Center, Portsmouth, VA cut open my heart and repaired it. I am alive today because of the skill of those amazing doctors. I can never thank them enough for what they have done for me.

Some will say that it was God who gave those doctors the skills to save my life. That may indeed be so but, I'm not here to discuss my personal Faith. The bottom line is, I am alive today, that is the blessing.

2 years ago, I was in some grave condition. I am not in that condition any longer. I am alive and in relatively good health. Sure, I take a handful of medications each morning. I take a smaller handful in the afternoon and even fewer at bed time but, that is a small price to pay to be alive.

My point is, as long as you are alive, you have a fighting chance. All problems are transient. They will be solved with careful thought and some effort.

Be humble. You don't have to take credit for everything. Let the other guy shine if that is what they must do. It's their ego, not yours. I'm talking about everyday situations, not the corporate world. The corporate world is a whole other post that I don't even want to touch.

Enjoy the world around you and appreciate what you have. Trust me, there is always someone who is having a worse day than you. Be glad for your friendships and know who your friends and acquaintances are. Know the difference.

If you can live life on life's own terms; accepting the good and the not so good, you are far ahead of the game and you will find that you will be much happier. Some may even say Blessed.

So, wish me a "Blessed" day if you must. I won't give you a lecture, I'll just smile but, know that I already understand the blessings in my life. It's standing right in front of you.

As always...

Who's promoting racism now?

Let's get a few things straight before we even begin. I could care less about race. First of all; Race is a a term which was originally coined by anthropologists in order to categorize various cultures in "Scientific" study. As originally used, it had no bearing on anything but social constructs. So, the term "Racism" was not even mentioned. Second; I am Navy trained. To quote my Recruit Company Commander: "There is no race in the Navy. We are all HAZE GRAY!"  That concept may sound humorous to some and simplistic to others but there are very simple and practical applications  of this rule.

This "Haze Gray" rule becomes very clear in emergent situations such as combat or fire on board ships, at sea.  For those of you who have never been to sea and thus never experienced the "Joy" of a fire on the ship, I shall explain.

At sea there is no greater hazard to the ship or the lives of the Sailors who operate her. One can not simply "Call the fire Department." We, the crew, ARE the fire department. We must put the fire out. I have been on the business end of the fire hose, in a burning steel compartment. I can promise you that the last thing of concern to me was the color of the skin of the guy behind me. With today's Navy having women assigned as regular members of the ship's compliment, I can promise you that the gender of the person behind me would be of no concern either.

My concern is simple. Will that person reach into the fire, thus risking their life to save me if the need arises? That's all I care about. Character.

Moving along.

We are all familiar with the "unpleasantness" in Ferguson, MO. Certainly, I do not understand how rioting and looting will promote any cause. The rioting will not bring the dead back to life and if he was wrongly fired upon by police, no justice will be served by destroying the town and allowing the protests to expand to St. Louis.

I think it was absolutely wrong of the President of the United States to make any comments about the situation prior to the investigation and justice system running it's course. At this point, the issue has so polarized the public; I believe that if, in fact, wrongdoing is found and the police officer is brought to trial; the case should be dismissed. I do not know any place in the country that the officer, if indicted, could receive a fair trial.

Federal charges are also out of the question. With the President and the Attorney General making public statements regarding this case, a Federal jury would be hard pressed to be impartial.

So, what is left to discuss? Carpetbaggers! Seekers of opportunity who stir up trouble from the outside in the guise of "justice for the downtrodden." They stir up this unrest while they hold out their hands asking those who can least afford it for donations to THEIR cause.

These interlopers stir the pot of hate and mistrust to a frenzy and walk away smiling. All the while they try and quote Dr. King.

But, there is a problem. You see, I was 12 when Dr. King was killed. I remember the marches and I remember the riots. As an adult I always thought that if Dr. King were alive, he would have asked everyone to stop, go home, clean up and meet him at a Church. After a prayer service, he would lead a march. There would be speeches and maybe some little bit of change would come of all the hate and discontent.

I realize that the people who are rightly or wrongly upset in Ferguson, have a need to take some type of tangible action. but the destruction of their town is not a memorial to anyone and it's certainly not the way they will want to remember the summer of 2014, 20 years from now.

I remember what riots looked like. I remember seeing the 1967 riots in Newark, New Jersey. You see,  good people were swept up along with the "bad." I remember the scared look on the faces of the folks being thrown up against the walls of buildings by armed National Guard troops.  I don't think anyone needs or wants to go back to a scene like that. I know that I don't.

The answer doesn't lie with the words of division spouted by the famous and infamous who reside in the media and call themselves Reverend. Most of us see them for who they are. They are opportunists of the worst kind and they will also receive their just reward at another time.

Although we are not in Ferguson, MO. When you look at the news of the rioting, I would urge you to also go on YOUTUBE and look up "I have a dream."

You see, two of Dr. King's lessons were: 1. The death of ANYONE to violence is a tragedy. 2. Although you may feel that violence is the answer to a seemingly senseless death, the only way to prevent it's recurrence is through PEACE. .

That is Character.... He had a dream.

As always...

Suicide ain't painless....

The world lost an amazing talent yesterday when Robin Williams died in an apparent suicide.  I feel for his family and pray that they will get through this time of horrible grief with as little intrusion as possible. We live in an information hungry world and in the case of death, we have for some reason, an insatiable desire for information. Maybe that is part of our way of dealing with the unknowns of death. That conversation can be for another day. Today's topic is much closer at hand.

I want to talk to you all about mental illness.  When I heard the news of Mr. Williams' death, I was shocked and when I spoke of it aloud, someone in the room said "That's crazy." Well, yes it is. Suicide is not the act of a rational mind. it is the final desperate act of someone who is so ill that they are not thinking clearly and they believe that there is no reasonable alternative to stop the pain  caused by whatever internal struggle they are dealing with.

News reports of this particular death have focused on the fact that Mr. Williams  had a history of addiction. His past addictions are well documented. Further, reports have stated that the "Star" had financial issues and that the cancellation of his recent television program did not help.  It does no good to speculate as to what the cause of this final act was. The fact remains that we and most likely his family do not know exactly what was in his mind when he made that final decision and followed through with it. Except possibly, feelings of despair.

Now, a good many of you can say that with his resources, he could have sought professional help. He very well may have been in the midst of that exact help. The problem is, mental health is not always exact. Sometimes the caregiver is unable to tell that the patient has made a decision. Believe me, that provider is feeling the loss as if a member of his own family had died.

My personal opinion is that Robin Williams was a great talent and fine American. He gave us all hundreds of hours of laughter and tears. He donated his own time to entertain our troops overseas and supported the USO unfailingly. From all reports he was a loyal friend and a good husband and father.

So, what can we take from this tragedy? We must strive to find something positive in all things; what in this? It's simple.

Suicide is NOT painless (like the song says). It ends pain for the victim but intensifies pain for everyone who was touched by that life. Believe me, we all touch so many lives, we have no idea.

Of this, I know what I am speaking. When you are so deeply depressed that you contemplate ending your own life, you believe that it is the right thing to do. The decision seems logical and very clear.  I don't care how much education in the area of mental health you may have, you pay no attention to it.  This is were we as friends and family come in.

It is up to us to know what to look for. If you know someone who is depressed, guide them towards help before the condition worsens to the point of physical harm. Depression is an actual illness. It can be treated. I do not understand why mental/emotional disorders are still thought of with some sort of stigma. It's as if people believe if we do not talk about mental illness, it will quietly go away. We need to have this discussion.

Some 22 years ago, I was suicidal. Fortunately, my mother noticed through phone conversations that something was very wrong and convinced me to get help. If not for that help, I most likely would not be here today. I can look back now and say with conviction that the outcome of my premature death would have been the worst thing imaginable for not just me but, my family would have suffered a blow that they might not have recovered from.

Now, I look back at that time and I wonder how could I have even considered such a thing. You see, it is crazy. With treatment you can be helped. I just needed someone who cared about me to get me to seek help.

Now, I am not saying that Robin Williams just needed someone to help him. I don't know his situation. I do know that suicide is not the act of a rational mind. Leave it at that. This particular death gives us a good reason to begin the discussion.

If you are concerned about depression in yourself or others, there are resources available. Find them and use them. If all else fails, call a friend and tell them how you are feeling until you can get the professional help you might require.

If you know someone who is struggling with depression or some other mental illness, help them get help. If you can, be there for them.

Let's not let the tragedy of this death fade away out of the news cycle. Resolve to be a friend to someone in need. Help them if you can. I don't think it's to much to ask.

For Robin Williams, I wish you peace. I hope the demons have stopped. Rest well. For the Williams family, I pray that you can cope with this most difficult of deaths and move on with your lives.

As always...

Standing by your beliefs may be harder than you think...

We each have a set of principles which we use to guide our actions and decision making.  These principles can be a philosophy or set of "core values." Maybe you believe in a set of Devine rules like the 10 Commandments. These are just a few examples of the types of guides we, as civilized people, use to help us make decisions in our daily lives.

No matter what principles you live by, situations come up in life which are easy to reconcile with our particular beliefs. In those cases, no matter what you believe, I have no problem with you. My problem  occurs when your stated belief system interferes with your desires of the time. We all see this phenomenon every day.

Hypocrites are the most common type of "sinner" you find. They can be found every day, in every place. You don't like the rules of your belief system for some reason so, let's abandon it! Let's go find something that seems more trendy and "hip". There is always something else in vogue that will afford me the recognition I so dearly crave and rightly deserve.

I have an extended family member who, disliking the Catholic church and it's form of Christian worship, switched to the Southern Baptist Church in College. Fine. But, when that Church's rules conflicted with their desires, another change was in order and then another. Finally, it was back to home plate and the Catholic Church was happy to take my family member back.

But, as it is with people who believe in only themselves, this person soon became unhappy with the ways of the Catholic Church. Now it was time to put the Episcopal Church to the test.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with any of the Churches mentioned above. I have no issue with any faith besides my own. I have an issue with someone professing to believe in something when it's easy and abandoning those beliefs when the going gets difficult.

Are the doctrines we live by just words? I can read the Torah but, that doesn't make me Jewish. I can read the Koran and similarly, I have not become a Muslim. The words in these sacred books must be more than just words.

If you are a Christian, The words of the Bible mean more to you than just a written history.

In the past, I have spoken of the Core Values of the Department of the Navy. Honor, Courage and Commitment. I believe in those words. I fully understand their meaning and do my best to live by their spirit. To me, they are NOT just three lofty sounding words.

I discussing the problem of sexual assault in the military with an officer a couple of weeks ago. We agreed on two things. The reason it is such a problem in the military is because it is part of the culture. Worse yet, the Core Values of the services have become "just words." Yes, they are taught to everyone and refresher training is given but, the military culture does not hold everyone's feet to the fire and require that they live by those values and thus, they are just words.

So, those guiding principles have been, in many ways; abandoned.

In short, we wind up in the same situation as the person who jumps from one belief system to another. We wind up with a culture that believes in nothing at all.

My friends, don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in. When it is difficult is when your beliefs need you most. Your opinion may not be popular but, it's yours and you will be respected for standing up.

By the way, my family member now professes to be Buddhist. I won't even get into that.

I hope my ramblings have given you something to think about or at least entertained you.

As always...

Just some thoughts about life in general.

Many people have a difficult time dealing with life on life's own terms. So, in view of recent events in my life and the life of friends and family, I sit, once again at the computer and put together my brand of wisdom. It's free to read and like any free advise; take it or leave it. My humble opinion.

It's nearly 6 in the morning and I have been up for several hours. I'm listening to some easy jazz piano as the rest of the house sleeps. It's looking to be a fairly decent day (for a Monday). Oh, wait! It is a wonderfully amazing day! Let's make a list:

1. I am alive. At 58 and nearly a month, I have outlived my older brother by more than a year! This is a good thing. Any time on this side of the dirt is "good," by any standard.

2. I have family that loves me including a beautiful granddaughter who lights up my heart at the mere thought of her. I make no secret that I love my 4 grown children but, there is a special place in the heart for grandchildren.

3. A second grandchild is soon to be born. Rumor has it that this will be a boy. I'm very happy for my daughter and her wonderful husband. I know that they are great parents and will do a fine job with this child as they have with their daughter. For me, I wish for 10 finger and 10 toes with everything else in the standard places, functioning within the accepted norms. I'm easy to please. My only job is to love and spoil the child.

4. I have pretty good health. With the help of the fine Doctors and Corpsmen at the Naval Hospital, who perform regular medical maintenance on this old Sailor, I should be around for a while longer. I can only hope.

Now, that's enough of a list. In no place on it did I mention the pursuit of wealth or approval from anyone else. We live a rather modest life here. The bills are paid and there is food on the table at meal time. From all reports, the food is better than average.  We have enough to share if someone we know develops a need. That meets our requirements.

The pursuit of unlimited wealth is a fruitless task and unhealthy at best. It is well established in history and in Biblical scripture that the "Love" of money is the root of all evil. We can look at history and see that it is so.

Recently, an high school acquaintance was indicted for securities fraud. The amounts of money this person stole we huge, almost beyond imagining. If his intellectual efforts had been pointed towards his honest labors, think how the outcome would have been changed. Certainly a possibility.

The Navy has been posting on Social Media that they want to know why people serve. Everyone has different reasons for serving their country. I never met anyone who did it for the money.

Another issue that has been on my mind is abusive relationships and how people react to them. Now, I am not going to pretend that I have all the answers but, I am going to give some general advice which has served my family and me well through the years: You do NOT need someone ELSE in your life to validate your worth.

This sounds simple but, in practice it becomes very difficult. We all develop attachments. Friends, Lovers, Spouses, Children. They are all sources of feedback and we like to get "Positive" feedback or affirmation. Praise is nice but not a requirement. Love is nice but if you are not getting it in the relationship you are in, get out and move on!

Interpersonal relationships are a two way street. There are two people in them and there has to be participation which benefits both parties. If you are doing all the giving and the other person is doing all the taking, there is a clear signal that this is not working.

You would be surprised who falls into this "neediness" trap. Someone who may appear strong and independent to the outside world turns to a bowl of jello when it comes to their life partner. This is a bad situation.  You have to learn to let go. A failed relationship is not a reflection of you. It's just a failed relationship. You can have many more. Some will fail. Some will be successful.  Relationships are like fresh fruit, if it is spoiled, you have to get rid of it before it contaminates the rest of the fridge.

Remember, everyone is worthwhile as long as they are honest and sincerely do their best at whatever they choose to do (within the civilized rules).  You don't need my approval or anyone else's.

Finally, I'd like to mention that there are those out there who sell themselves short. They work tirelessly to do for others and then say; "Well, I only do xxx." If you do something for others, you are a special person among the crowd which we call humanity. In this day, we are all worried about ourselves and we tend to forget that a life of service can be one of the most rewarding lives imaginable. I don't care if you send cards to deployed troops or feed the veterans at the VFW at the Friday fish fry. You are supporting those who sacrificed for you. BRAVO ZULU (Means Well Done in Navy Signals). We all serve others in so many ways, don't sell your contribution short.

Sometimes it can be something as small as a greeting  or a smile. Yesterday, a woman with three children and a full grocery cart spilled a package out of the cart. I picked it up for her. You would have thought that I had given her 20 dollars by her reaction. She was so thankful.

To me, it was a small act of kindness. Good manners. But, my small gesture meant a lot to the woman who just did not have enough hands to do everything she wanted to do at that moment.  You never know.

Well, that's it for today. I hope what I had to say made some sense. If not; chalk it up to the ramblings of an insane old Sailor. In any case, stay safe and remember: Happiness is a choice.

As Always...