They tell us that they are for "Family Values". When I was growing up, a family in middle America was simple to define. A Family had a Mother, Father, 2.5 children and possibly a dog or cat. That was the public line. The aforementioned formula was the key to a happy family. This, all the experts told us.
Divorce was the worst thing that could happen to a family. Divorce meant that the woman had failed in her duty to maintain a proper and "good" home for her husband and children. That was what the woman's role in civilized society was to be. Women didn't need an education. They just needed to know enough to "Catch a husband."
Let me start by saying life was never as advertised above. I have very clear memories of living in that "typical" family value home that the politicians speak of. My father was a doctor. My mother was a stay at home Mom who took care of the home and the 4 children. (We didn't have a dog until much later).
My parents would throw lavish parties for everyone from professional friends and neighbors to United Nations Diplomats and everyone in between. A party with a guest list in the multiple hundreds was not uncommon.
My Father's perfect American family was on display during these parties. Believe me. We were all dressed in our finest stylish cloths. Suits for the boys and the perfect party dress for my sister. My Mother was dressed like a model from the latest fashion magazine. If it was really a special occasion, my father would even join the conventional and wear a tie. But, of course, he was the master of his domain and was ever so sheik in his shirt and sports coat. As the guests would arrive, children "Kinder" as we were referred to, would line up near the door; so we may be easily seen by the guests. My sister would usually have to curtsy. My older brother and I would bow as one of us took the guest's coats. My younger brother was exempt from any welcoming duties as he was to small.
After the coats were disposed of, Mom would conduct the guests into the living room to find the Grand Master himself. My father.
The evening would progress with us children being seen but not heard. We, of course would eat last (something I never understood. Children should eat first). Eventually, we would be sent off to bed. Like the Von Trapp children from the sound of music, we had to say good night to all of the guests. Fortunately, we were not asked to sing. However, in later years I was required to play my Saxophone for the guests before I was dismissed for the evening.
If my father decided that there had been any misconduct during the evening, after the last guest had departed, discipline would be administered. Read "Mutiny on the Bounty" to get an idea of my father's method of discipline. He used a belt rather than a whip. I'm not exagerating.
So, you see, to the outside observer, we had the perfect family. Family/American values.
Today, things are a bit more in the open. The family dynamic has changed completely. There are families with 2 and 3 Moms (and no father at all). Families that have several fathers and no mothers. Divorced families are no longer a scandal. Interracial families are common. All these variations of the family unit were more than frowned upon when I was growing up. But, the most important element is common to all of these "variations". The members of these families are happy.
Same sex couples who live together in marriage are happy. If they have children, the children are happy too. They really don't care that their parents are both women or men, as the case may be.
My sister has a woman partner. She lives in a state that is still in the dark ages and will not allow same sex marriage. Hopefully that will change soon. All of you who read my ramblings regularly know that I love my sister with all my heart. Well, that's how I feel about her partner also. They make each other happy. Their children are happy. To me, that is the essence of "Family Values" not the appearance of happiness, real happiness.
I grew up in fear. I was afraid of my own shadow. But to the public, we had the perfect family. It was a great scandal and surprise to most who knew us, when my parents got divorced. Looking back, I'm amazed my mother stuck it out as long as she did. I do understand why.
My sister's children do not live in fear. My children were never afraid of me. But my point is for the "non-tradiional" families. If someone were to ask me to describe what my idea of "Family Values" are, I would have to say, A family where every member is happy and living without fear. An environment where children are allowed to express themselves in any creative way they choose. A place where children can grow up, knowing they are loved and will always be loved. A family is a place where no one ever has to be ashamed of who they are.
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