I simmer my stew all day. Low and slow. As the delicious concoction bubbles away, it fills the house with wonderful smells that foretell a meal that will be unforgettable. After much love and care, seasoning adjustments and lots of attention and time, our stew is ready. Once served, everyone partakes of the fruits of my efforts. The resulting satisfied smiles tell the tale of success.
Life is much like making my stew. People are complicated. We all develop at our own speeds. It takes a mixture of positive and negative influences to make a well rounded, adaptable and likable adult. Our fictitious adult (let's call him "Stew" for the sake of brevity) needs to see that life is made up of all sorts of people, places and things. Some of those things are not all that pleasant. But, in the end, a mixture of the good and the not so good of life, will serve "Stew" well.
You can't shelter people from every "Bad" event in the world. You can't and you shouldn't. The unplanned, negative experience in the world teach us adaptability; a fundamental skill, required by all of us for success.
Raising a person requires time. There is no easy way to do this. There is no "Boot Camp" that can teach a person the skills they need to succeed in the long term. Boot camps teach basic skills. They give a foundation. It still takes time and leadership to develop the end product. Weather it be a Marine or civilian, time and leadership is what it takes to make the person.
Leadership. Now, that is a concept in the civilian world that seems to be disappearing. Everyone wants a quick fix. If we just send the work force "team" on a "team building" exercise, all our problems will be solved! No, I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way. You have to lead every day. That's the only way building a responsible and vital member of society will happen.
You won't find how to do it in books. Every good leader has his or her own way of doing the job. The leader has to be comfortable with the role.
Finally, what many people consider the most important ingredient in "Stew's" development: Trust.
Whoever is leading "Stew" on the journey of self discovery must develop and keep his trust. It is said that trust takes a lifetime to gain and a second to be lost. It may not take a lifetime, but it certainly can be lost in the blink of an eye.
Look at the most successful relationships you know of. They are all based on trust. I trust my wife and she trusts me. This is exactly why we can have a relationship that spans more than 3 decades. I'm not saying that we never disagree or "fight". Some of our arguments are legend. For those, I am truly sorry, but I am working to improve. The arguments pass and we stay together. Usually, once everyone is cooled down, the words; "I Love You" come into play. But, we survive the argument because of trust.
Trust is everywhere. It's at home and at work. We've spoken of trust at home between spouses. Children too, need trust. Trust is one of the most important ingredients to security. Certainly, without it, no one can feel secure. Children trust their parents. Parents have to also trust their children. As they get older, their level of maturity increases and we would hope, so does the level of trust afforded them.
It takes a lot of things to make "Stew" a success. Just like the stew we cooked, love and care are the keys to success. All the ingredients are important. If you forget one or use to much of another, it just doesn't work out quite right.
Remember, there is seldom an effective shortcut in developing a person.
As always...
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