Just food for thought

I am usually up in the middle of the night. Wether it is because of various aches and pains or just an inability to sleep, I'm up. To be honest, I enjoy the few hours of quiet. I might read or visit on line with a friend in a different time zone. I may even watch a movie without interruption. That's always a treat. I enjoy listening to music. Late at night, I tend to drift towards the classical. Mozart is always a favorite.

Inevitably, the solitude of the late night leads me to that most dangerous of activities; thought. I can think in peace of the problems of the day.

I wonder where in my life I have fallen short and what can I do to improve myself as a person. Introspection is a good thing. I don't really get depressed any more when I think of these things. The past is after all, the past. But, I would like to be a better person by a little bit.

I think we all want to improve. We think of the mistakes we have made in life. How we could have handled a problem, possibly better; now that we have more life experience. I certainly hope that my children don't make some of the same errors that I have. Life is full of pitfalls and the fewer we fall into, the better.

All of this thought is something that counselors try and get you to do. My father was a Psychiatrist. He used to say that the majority of his patients were not mentally ill; in the true meaning of the term. They just needed direction and someone to talk to. Help in examining their problems so that they could solve them was their major need.

So, this time that I spend alone in the night is not a frightening time. I don't think that I have any monsters in my closet to be afraid of. I use this time as a sort of self counseling session. Think of it as a mental health break.

Many of the day to day problems of life can be solved in a flash. What to wear? What to make for dinner? Lunch? Should I visit my friend or stay home? These are all simple problems that we deal with in a second of thought, or less. Most of us give these mundane issues no thought at all. Life gets a little bit more complicated when we add other people into the mix. Yes indeed! Life would be simple if we were all left alone and kept to ourselves.

This, on the surface may sound like a good idea. But alas, we are a social species. We crave companionship. Human contact is integral to our existence and mental health.

As important as social contact is, it is often times the source of great consternation. Men complain constantly that they do not "understand" women. The counseling industry generates billions of dollars in this country to help us deal with our interpersonal relationships. Our friend, Lucy Van Pelt (pictured above) has been giving advice for decades at the bargain price of 5 cents.

But, the problems are really very simple and simply solved. Live and Love.

Yes, those two words solve a lot of problems. I'll explain what I mean.

Live your life. Be true to yourself. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid to be yourself and speak your mind. If something is bothering you, speak up! Lack of communication is the biggest cause of interpersonal strife.

I'm not saying you should speak in such a way as to hurt someone's feelings. There is a thing called tact, after all. I know that I have been accused of possessing a serious lack of tact at times. But, that was in my younger days and I think I have improved somewhat. But, no matter how you do it , you have to speak up when something is bothering you.

Like an untreated infection, frustration will grow until it becomes hostility if you don't treat it. The treatment is communication.

I've been married to the same woman for a long time. We do indeed argue at times. When I look back at those arguments, not only do they seem silly, their cause is lack of communication. Plain and simple. So, how do we get past the "fight"? With step 2. Love.

In any emotional relationship, you have to have love.  In our culture, we are "afraid" to love. I don't have the answer as to why. But, we are afraid. Do you want to be happy? Don't be afraid to love. Don't be afraid to remind those you love that you do, occasionally. I'm not saying that you should go walking down the street and tell everyone you meet that you love them. But, don't be afraid to remind yourself that you love the person that you have in your life.

When that argument gets to the point that it's running in circles and you want to end it, remember you love the person. If you do that, you can put your pride away and end the discussion. Saying "I Love You" to the person you love can be a powerful thing. It can stop the action. It's like the ultimate truce.

When my daughter married, I felt that I needed to give her one last piece of "fatherly advice". I thought long and hard about what I was going to say. I finally found what I needed, within myself.

I asked my daughter if she truly loved this man. She of course smiled and said yes. So, I told her: "When you reach the difficult times in life (there will be difficulties) remember how much you love each other right this very minute. If you remember how you feel about each other today and hold on to that, you can get through any difficult time."

The secret to a good life is simple, just remember: Live and Love.

As always...