What makes us the people we are?
In a post a short while ago, I mentioned the unhappiness in my house while I was growing up. After reading that, I have been asked how I was able to break the cycle of abuse and violence. You see, although I spent my adult life in the military, I am in no way a violent person. Honestly, I have trouble watching violence, especially if it is a depiction of domestic violence. Movies like "Sleeping with the Enemy" make me physically ill. So, serving in the military has nothing to do with violent propensities.
So, How did I break the cycle of violence and abuse from home? Well, I'll give you a clue. That is me in the picture, above. 7th grade at Admiral Farragut Academy, in New Jersey.
Before the mothers amongst you gasp in horror at the thought of sending a little kid off to military school, remember this. I asked to go. I think my father was relieved to send me. But, that's for a different blog.
I found Farragut (know as AFA by the cadets and staff) to be an amazing place. It was staffed by real, honest to goodness American Heroes. Men who saved the world, part of the "Greatest Generation" were to be my role models. I remember them as if they were here today. Capt Klein, CDR Duncan, Chief(s) McFadden, Larson and Frendak.
I remember them all. They all had a profound effect on my life. I was a frightened little boy. I was away from home and I missed my Mom so very much in those first days away at school. We, as new students (Plebes) were not permitted to make calls home. It was part of the transition. I'll never forget going to see Capt Klein, to ask if I could Please call home and talk to my Mom. He told me no. But in a kind way, he explained to me that it would be easier for me, if I didn't call. Of course, he was right. The Capt was a task master. His job was Director of Activities and Naval Training (the title was later changed to Commandant of Cadets). No matter the title, he was the equivalent of the civilian Vice-Principal. As the years progressed, the Captain would come to be my friend and a role model.
We, as Cadets had most of our dealings with the retired Chief Petty Officers. What an amazing group of Sailors. Chief Frendak wrote to me every week when I was in recruit training. Chief McFadden had real pride in me when he saw me in my Navy uniform for the first time.
The Director of Naval Science was CDR Richard E. Duncan. What a kind and understanding gentleman he was. In all the years I knew him, I only knew him to raise his voice once. But even then, he had a sparkle in his eyes that let you know that he was a kind man.
I have fond memories of all the staff from school. But, the person who had the most impact on my life was the one that I had the least contact with, until my final year at AFA. The Headmaster.
You see, Farragut was not some Dickensian bastion of discipline and cruelty as some people might think a Military School would be. It was a place of structure, of course. There was marching and military drills and discipline. But, most importantly was the idea that we all could reach beyond ourselves and achieve. We could achieve physically and especially academically. We were taught that above all else, academic achievement would stay with us throughout our lives and help us become productive citizens and first class role models as we progressed through life.
I learned these things from the Headmaster. Capt Raven O. Dodge was a scary figure to a young 7th grader, away from home for the first time. Thin and balding, he had a quiet voice and only one hand. Yes, he had only one hand. He kept his right hand in his pocket. We heard rumors that he had a rubber hand but, I never saw it. For years I was afraid of Capt Dodge. Although, I found out later that I had no reason to be.
As time went on, Capt Dodge was eventually retired and we got a new Headmaster. But, Capt Dodge stayed on in school as Headmaster "Emeritus." He was given an office much like past Presidents of our Country but, I expect that no one thought much of him any more. He had found his pasture.
One afternoon, after all the classes were done and drill had finished for the day, I was helping out in the admissions office. In an office there, which I thought to be empty, I found Capt Dodge. To my surprise, he knew who I was. "Come in, Mr. daSilva", he said. Inviting me to sit, he visited with me for an hour. He then asked me to return any time to visit again. So, I made a habit of visiting with Capt Dodge 2 or 3 times a week, as time permitted.
We talked about all sorts of things. Some of no consequence; others of great import. Some funny and some were actually school secrets. I found out who the administration liked, disliked and even who the staff thought would go far in life. The Captain told me that I had a reputation as a person who never gave up and he always admired that in me.
One day, as we were visiting, he pulled out a pack of Marlboro Red cigarette and offered me one. As he held out the pack of smokes, he asked, "You do have a 'Smoker's Card', right?" I smiled and told him yes, I was permitted to smoke. This kindly gentleman, whom I had been frightened of as a 7th grader then remarked "You are probably the only Cadet in the history of this school to have his cigarette lit by the Headmaster!" With a smile he lit my smoke. I still smile today, thinking of that.
I don't smoke any more but, the lessons I learned at AFA stay with me today. I try to be kind to everyone, especially those who are weaker or smaller in some way than I. I do my best and I try to be a role model for those in my life.
It was the staff at a now closed military school that helped me grow up, face my fears and be a good citizen. I only hope that I live up to the expectations they have placed in me.
Thanks for listening.
As always...
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