Two Police Officers Killed in NYC....

Saturday December 20, 2014 National Public Radio reported the following:

Two New York police officers were ambushed and fatally shot while sitting in their patrol car in Brooklyn's Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood Saturday. The suspected gunman has died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

In a press conference, New York City Police Commissioner William Bratton said the officers, Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos, were killed with "no warning, no provocation."...

While "Social Media" was abuzz with this terrifying news and support began to pour out for the families of the slain officers, "Rev." Al Sharpton released a statement decrying the linking of this senseless act to the recent unrest in New York City and Ferguson, MO. He stated that he is "outraged" that anyone would try and link this incident to those. In his statement, there was no message of sympathy for the families of the slain police officers. There was no call to action. The outrage was not that two officers who were doing nothing but sitting in their patrol vehicle were gunned down without warning or provocation of any kind. The good "Reverend" made a political statement.

What is going on in our Country? Has the world turned on it's side? I feel like we have gone back in time 50 years to a time where a person's skin color defines them and their role in society. I don't like this at all.

I have friends of all colors, faiths, orientations, genders. You name it, I've probably got a friend who is in that group. You see, we are not supposed to label people. I thought we were supposed to take people as individuals and receive them as they come to us. 

I was moved to write this piece today because I have a friend who comes from an immigrant family (as I do), who was so upset by the events of last evening that she posted that she wanted to take her husband and children and go back to the Dominican Republic! Her family came here for security and opportunity and now she feels that she would be safer in the "DR"? 

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to be free..."

I guess that's just a pie in the sky idea now. Have we degraded to a point that we must wear body armor at all times and walk about in the cities heavily armed? Is that freedom? I think not.

Realizing that the shooter of our two brave Police Officers killed himself after his dastardly act, it may take some time before the investigation into his life and motivations is complete. Hopefully, at that time we will learn what motivated this person to act as he did. We may never know.

But, knowledge of the killer's motivation will not bring the Officers back from the dead. It will not bring them home to their families, wives, children. That knowledge will never bring them home to their Mothers and Fathers. 

You see, the New York City Police Department were not the only ones to lose two selfless Officers yesterday.  The City, State and in fact the entire Country lost two examples of what makes this Country great. 

Selfless service is what these two officers were performing when they died. They died needlessly at the hands of a crazed person.

For New York City Police Officers Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos: End of Tour: 12/20/2014. Your sacrifice will never be forgotten.


As always...

Who wins after the riot?

This is a scene from Ferguson, MO. The Grand Jury has spoken and in a decision which surprised no one, voted to not indict Officer Wilson of Murder!

The eye witness testimony was contradictory at best. It was proven that at least two of the witnesses at the scene lied to police. Finally, the autopsy of Mr. Brown left little doubt as to the facts of the case.

Do we need to look at the facts of the case again? I think not. The social implications of this incident are clear but it seem that the people of Ferguson seem to miss the point. Yes, the death of an 18 year old is sad. To his family, it is a personal tragedy. In a larger sense, any death of a young person is a tragedy.

But, Let's look at what we know. We now know that the police officer was responding to a call. We also know that the young man attacked the police officer. Should officer Wilson have let himself be killed? I don't think he signed up for that.

Mothers always believe that their children are Angels from God. That is the way life is. Mr. Brown's mother has, in her grief been shouting from the rooftops that her son was innocent of any crime and was gunned down without cause. I can understand that. She is a mother.

What I don't understand is outsiders coming in to town as the carpetbaggers of old and bringing the people up to a frenzy. I don't understand when the President of the United States allows his Attorney General to go to Ferguson and convict officer Wilson with his words before the investigation is completed.

Now, the Grand Jury has spoken. STATE charges will not be brought. But, the Justice Department is looking into the possibility of bringing Federal charges against officer Wilson. Would this have happened if the roles were reversed? Would any of this happened if the roles were reversed?

I do not believe we would be talking about this incident at all if  the skin color of the "players" were reversed. I hate even writing that. I do not judge people by the color of their skin. I do not like using skin color as a descriptor. But, maybe I am not sophisticated enough for the nuance of today's society. I'm just a simple sailor.

In the past few months, there has been a lot of talk about Dr. King. Dr. King is rolling over in his grave as he sees that we, as a society have not evolved one bit since the 1950s and '60s. This senseless rioting and looting. The wanton destruction hurts no one except the residents of the communities in which it takes place.

The grand jury decision was easy to predict and so was the reaction of the people in poor communities who are being manipulated by opportunistic publicity seekers with their own agendas. Certainly, these outside forces do not in any way have the welfare of the good people of Ferguson, MO at the heart of their motivation.

I remember the 1967 riots in Newark, New Jersey. It was a horrible sight. The city of Newark is still trying to recover from that hot summer. How long will it take for the Country to recover from this event?

One thing is proven. Racism is alive and well in America and it's not just for Minorities any more.

A sad state of affairs.

As always...

Veteran's Day and what it means to me.

Today is the day that Veteran's Day will be observed but, traditionally, the observance is marked on the 11th day of November. This stems from the end of World War I. The hostilities were to end at the 11th hour on the 11 day of the 11th month. Armistice day was "born."

The name remained until 1954 when in October of that year, President Dwight Eisenhower signed a Presidential Proclamation changing the name to Veteran's Day. The Federal Government always observes holidays on a Monday with few exceptions and so, this year, Banks will be closed and there will be no mail delivery even though the actual holiday is tomorrow; 11 November.

To my mind, every day should be Veteran's day. I say this not because I am a Veteran but, because we, as a people owe so much to the Veterans who have willingly given so much to this country and our way of life. Without those who were willing to serve and those who still serve today, who knows what our country and in fact; the world we live in would be like.

There are still Veterans of the Second World War surviving, although their numbers dwindle daily. Many of my generation have family members who served in the Korean War (I can't call it a conflict. Read the history. it was a war.) Of course, there are tens of thousands of Veterans of Vietnam and later wars.

The amazing thing about all the Veterans is that most did not need to be drafted and all after 1975 have volunteered. Most of you know that the United States has an "all volunteer" military but, unless you have served, do you know what the promise those men and women make in order to serve?

I'm sure few of you know the specifics. Many civilians think of the military as just a "Government Job." Sure there might be some danger involved but, on the whole, people who serve in the military are just to lazy or uneducated to get a "real" job.

These statements have been made to me in the past and I have even seen them in print as recently as this past summer, during the congressional campaigns. Those statements are made by uninformed, ignorant people who really have no business talking about anything they know nothing about.

Beyond the intelligence required to complete modern military training, I'd like to just mention the one thing that separates once and for all, military from civilian work.

Members of the United States Military promise to give their life for their country. I know no stock broker or news reporter or op-ed writer who is required to make that promise as a condition of employment.

There is a document which all members of the U. S. Armed Forces must sign. It's call the "Code of Conduct" for members of the Armed Forces of the United States.

I've mentioned this before but, it bears mentioning again:

Article 1.

I am a member of the Armed Forces of the United States of America.
I serve in the forces that guard our country and our way of life.
I am prepared to give my life in their defense.

Each and every member of the service since after the Korean War has had to make that same promise, in writing. The code goes on and talks about conduct in combat, in command and if captured. But, for the purposes of this blog the relevant portion is quoted (From Memory).

We, as a Nation owe all our Veteran's a debt which can never be repaid. Many Veterans suffer invisible injuries which they carry with them for the rest of their lives. As they bore their service, they bare the burden of their injuries in silence, with dignity and grace. So, today; please remember all of our Veterans. Thank them for their service and the unbelievable sacrifice each has made to secure the freedom of our Nation.

To all my family who are Veterans and all my friends who proudly can use the term: Veteran, I thank each of you for your service, sacrifice and dedication to duty and all of us.

I pledge Allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the Republic for which it stands,
one nation under God, indivisible,
with Liberty and Justice for all.

As always...

The poet said it best..."To thy own self be true."

If you are a friend mine, especially on my Facebook page; you have heard me say that everything is a "training opportunity." By that, I mean that we should learn from everything that happens round us, especially mistakes we, ourselves make.

I'm not saying we should complain about our lot in life or even the mistakes we make. I'm saying we need to occasionally look deep in the mirror of our lives and find where we could have made a better decision or choice and if possible live by that new choice.

Here's an example for you. My relationship with my father was "problematic" at best. I'm not complaining. He's long gone and you can't fix the past. But, as a teenager, I made choices in an attempt to gain my father's attention. My plan didn't work So, I wound up joining the Navy after High School rather than going on to further education.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had worked for my own satisfaction rather than the attention of someone who was never going to acknowledge anything I did or did not accomplish. Of course, this is all academic at this point since, we can't change the past. But, we can learn from it and change the future!

The lesson I learned from this experience was simple: Never let anyone else determine your self-worth! You do NOT need some man or woman in your life to validate your existence or choices.

One interesting thing about the Military and I will use the Navy again as my example: The Navy recognizes the accomplishments of it's people both good and bad. You definitely get all the attention you might need. So, it turned out that if I was indeed looking for some sort of validation, the Navy was a good place to get it. Well, it worked for me.

I was lucky, I found something that I enjoyed doing and a group of people whom I looked up to and I chose to become one of them. Eventually, I found out who I was and how I fit into the whole scheme of this thing we call life. Unfortunately, it was not until I was 33 and my father died that I realized that he was never going to recognize any of my accomplishments.

I spent 33 years trying to please someone else. Now, looking at that in writing, doesn't it seem like a waste of time and energy? To thy own self be true!

We do not need to waste our lives searching for validation and approval from places where they will never come. I can tell you from experience, it's destructive behavior. It's not only destructive to those around you but to yourself.

As hard as it may seem to be at the time, if you are rejected in some way, move along! Learn from the experience and let it go. There are millions of people out there that need to be loved and one of them is for you.

I was very shy growing up. I did not know what to say to girls, now women. My family laughs at me now because, I'm comfortable with everyone. It's because I stopped looking for approval. Once you do that, you can spend time being yourself. Trust me, those who really love you will still love you. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations but your own. Guess what? You can change your mind and your goals. No one will think any less of you. It happens all the time.

Many years ago, this Chief was trying to be Mr. Psychological with me. He asked me who the most important person in my life was. I responded quickly: "Myself" I said.

He replied that my answer was rather self-centered.

As I laughed I told the Chief: "With all due respect; you have no clue. I am the most important person to ME because, if I am healthy physically and emotionally, I am then in a position to help others."

The Chief looked confused. I gave another example: "If you are my neighbor and need a half a cup of sugar and I only have a quarter of a cup, I can't help you. If I pay attention to my home, I make sure I have 5 lbs of sugar in the house so that if a neighbor needs a cup or 2, I can help."

I don't know if the Chief got the point but I'm sure you all do. Take care of yourselves first. Do not worry about those who have done you wrong or hurt you. Do not allow them to "rent space" in your head. Purge them because they do not determine your worth. Only you do. If you feel worthwhile, you will be in a good position to live a happy life, no matter what anyone else thinks or says about you.

As always...

The answer is always right before your eyes...

We live in a world where everyone is constantly wishing you a "Blessed" day. This just drives me to distraction. If you have an understanding of any faith, you would realize that there are several issues with the over use of this phrase which cause problems.

I'm not saying you can't wish people a "Blessed" day. If that is what you feel you must do to mark yourself as a good person, go right ahead. Just don't expect  me to gush with gratitude at your automatic and most likely thoughtless remark.  I always appreciate someone's good wishes but, I happen to know that you wishing me a "Blessed" day means nothing for one simple reason. I am alive and therefore I am enjoying the Blessings of my Faith.

You see, our lives are the greatest Blessing we can have. Look around you. Life is amazing! Amid all the ugliness in the world, you can always find some beauty. It may be the sunrise over a field or a child's smile. It may be the smell of a meal, lovingly prepared by someone who cares more about you than themselves. Two dogs romping in the back yard or playing with your children. All examples of Blessings.

For me, two of the most wonderful blessings I ever received were the return of my two Marine Corps children, safe and sound upon completion of their service obligation.

If you are lucky enough to have Grandchildren, you don't need to hear a word about Blessings or being Blessed. You already know that you are. You are reminded each and every time you look into your grandchild's eyes.

Let's move on to more practical matters. This month marks 2 years since doctors at the Naval Medical Center, Portsmouth, VA cut open my heart and repaired it. I am alive today because of the skill of those amazing doctors. I can never thank them enough for what they have done for me.

Some will say that it was God who gave those doctors the skills to save my life. That may indeed be so but, I'm not here to discuss my personal Faith. The bottom line is, I am alive today, that is the blessing.

2 years ago, I was in some grave condition. I am not in that condition any longer. I am alive and in relatively good health. Sure, I take a handful of medications each morning. I take a smaller handful in the afternoon and even fewer at bed time but, that is a small price to pay to be alive.

My point is, as long as you are alive, you have a fighting chance. All problems are transient. They will be solved with careful thought and some effort.

Be humble. You don't have to take credit for everything. Let the other guy shine if that is what they must do. It's their ego, not yours. I'm talking about everyday situations, not the corporate world. The corporate world is a whole other post that I don't even want to touch.

Enjoy the world around you and appreciate what you have. Trust me, there is always someone who is having a worse day than you. Be glad for your friendships and know who your friends and acquaintances are. Know the difference.

If you can live life on life's own terms; accepting the good and the not so good, you are far ahead of the game and you will find that you will be much happier. Some may even say Blessed.

So, wish me a "Blessed" day if you must. I won't give you a lecture, I'll just smile but, know that I already understand the blessings in my life. It's standing right in front of you.

As always...

Who's promoting racism now?

Let's get a few things straight before we even begin. I could care less about race. First of all; Race is a a term which was originally coined by anthropologists in order to categorize various cultures in "Scientific" study. As originally used, it had no bearing on anything but social constructs. So, the term "Racism" was not even mentioned. Second; I am Navy trained. To quote my Recruit Company Commander: "There is no race in the Navy. We are all HAZE GRAY!"  That concept may sound humorous to some and simplistic to others but there are very simple and practical applications  of this rule.

This "Haze Gray" rule becomes very clear in emergent situations such as combat or fire on board ships, at sea.  For those of you who have never been to sea and thus never experienced the "Joy" of a fire on the ship, I shall explain.

At sea there is no greater hazard to the ship or the lives of the Sailors who operate her. One can not simply "Call the fire Department." We, the crew, ARE the fire department. We must put the fire out. I have been on the business end of the fire hose, in a burning steel compartment. I can promise you that the last thing of concern to me was the color of the skin of the guy behind me. With today's Navy having women assigned as regular members of the ship's compliment, I can promise you that the gender of the person behind me would be of no concern either.

My concern is simple. Will that person reach into the fire, thus risking their life to save me if the need arises? That's all I care about. Character.

Moving along.

We are all familiar with the "unpleasantness" in Ferguson, MO. Certainly, I do not understand how rioting and looting will promote any cause. The rioting will not bring the dead back to life and if he was wrongly fired upon by police, no justice will be served by destroying the town and allowing the protests to expand to St. Louis.

I think it was absolutely wrong of the President of the United States to make any comments about the situation prior to the investigation and justice system running it's course. At this point, the issue has so polarized the public; I believe that if, in fact, wrongdoing is found and the police officer is brought to trial; the case should be dismissed. I do not know any place in the country that the officer, if indicted, could receive a fair trial.

Federal charges are also out of the question. With the President and the Attorney General making public statements regarding this case, a Federal jury would be hard pressed to be impartial.

So, what is left to discuss? Carpetbaggers! Seekers of opportunity who stir up trouble from the outside in the guise of "justice for the downtrodden." They stir up this unrest while they hold out their hands asking those who can least afford it for donations to THEIR cause.

These interlopers stir the pot of hate and mistrust to a frenzy and walk away smiling. All the while they try and quote Dr. King.

But, there is a problem. You see, I was 12 when Dr. King was killed. I remember the marches and I remember the riots. As an adult I always thought that if Dr. King were alive, he would have asked everyone to stop, go home, clean up and meet him at a Church. After a prayer service, he would lead a march. There would be speeches and maybe some little bit of change would come of all the hate and discontent.

I realize that the people who are rightly or wrongly upset in Ferguson, have a need to take some type of tangible action. but the destruction of their town is not a memorial to anyone and it's certainly not the way they will want to remember the summer of 2014, 20 years from now.

I remember what riots looked like. I remember seeing the 1967 riots in Newark, New Jersey. You see,  good people were swept up along with the "bad." I remember the scared look on the faces of the folks being thrown up against the walls of buildings by armed National Guard troops.  I don't think anyone needs or wants to go back to a scene like that. I know that I don't.

The answer doesn't lie with the words of division spouted by the famous and infamous who reside in the media and call themselves Reverend. Most of us see them for who they are. They are opportunists of the worst kind and they will also receive their just reward at another time.

Although we are not in Ferguson, MO. When you look at the news of the rioting, I would urge you to also go on YOUTUBE and look up "I have a dream."

You see, two of Dr. King's lessons were: 1. The death of ANYONE to violence is a tragedy. 2. Although you may feel that violence is the answer to a seemingly senseless death, the only way to prevent it's recurrence is through PEACE. .

That is Character.... He had a dream.

As always...

Suicide ain't painless....

The world lost an amazing talent yesterday when Robin Williams died in an apparent suicide.  I feel for his family and pray that they will get through this time of horrible grief with as little intrusion as possible. We live in an information hungry world and in the case of death, we have for some reason, an insatiable desire for information. Maybe that is part of our way of dealing with the unknowns of death. That conversation can be for another day. Today's topic is much closer at hand.

I want to talk to you all about mental illness.  When I heard the news of Mr. Williams' death, I was shocked and when I spoke of it aloud, someone in the room said "That's crazy." Well, yes it is. Suicide is not the act of a rational mind. it is the final desperate act of someone who is so ill that they are not thinking clearly and they believe that there is no reasonable alternative to stop the pain  caused by whatever internal struggle they are dealing with.

News reports of this particular death have focused on the fact that Mr. Williams  had a history of addiction. His past addictions are well documented. Further, reports have stated that the "Star" had financial issues and that the cancellation of his recent television program did not help.  It does no good to speculate as to what the cause of this final act was. The fact remains that we and most likely his family do not know exactly what was in his mind when he made that final decision and followed through with it. Except possibly, feelings of despair.

Now, a good many of you can say that with his resources, he could have sought professional help. He very well may have been in the midst of that exact help. The problem is, mental health is not always exact. Sometimes the caregiver is unable to tell that the patient has made a decision. Believe me, that provider is feeling the loss as if a member of his own family had died.

My personal opinion is that Robin Williams was a great talent and fine American. He gave us all hundreds of hours of laughter and tears. He donated his own time to entertain our troops overseas and supported the USO unfailingly. From all reports he was a loyal friend and a good husband and father.

So, what can we take from this tragedy? We must strive to find something positive in all things; what in this? It's simple.

Suicide is NOT painless (like the song says). It ends pain for the victim but intensifies pain for everyone who was touched by that life. Believe me, we all touch so many lives, we have no idea.

Of this, I know what I am speaking. When you are so deeply depressed that you contemplate ending your own life, you believe that it is the right thing to do. The decision seems logical and very clear.  I don't care how much education in the area of mental health you may have, you pay no attention to it.  This is were we as friends and family come in.

It is up to us to know what to look for. If you know someone who is depressed, guide them towards help before the condition worsens to the point of physical harm. Depression is an actual illness. It can be treated. I do not understand why mental/emotional disorders are still thought of with some sort of stigma. It's as if people believe if we do not talk about mental illness, it will quietly go away. We need to have this discussion.

Some 22 years ago, I was suicidal. Fortunately, my mother noticed through phone conversations that something was very wrong and convinced me to get help. If not for that help, I most likely would not be here today. I can look back now and say with conviction that the outcome of my premature death would have been the worst thing imaginable for not just me but, my family would have suffered a blow that they might not have recovered from.

Now, I look back at that time and I wonder how could I have even considered such a thing. You see, it is crazy. With treatment you can be helped. I just needed someone who cared about me to get me to seek help.

Now, I am not saying that Robin Williams just needed someone to help him. I don't know his situation. I do know that suicide is not the act of a rational mind. Leave it at that. This particular death gives us a good reason to begin the discussion.

If you are concerned about depression in yourself or others, there are resources available. Find them and use them. If all else fails, call a friend and tell them how you are feeling until you can get the professional help you might require.

If you know someone who is struggling with depression or some other mental illness, help them get help. If you can, be there for them.

Let's not let the tragedy of this death fade away out of the news cycle. Resolve to be a friend to someone in need. Help them if you can. I don't think it's to much to ask.

For Robin Williams, I wish you peace. I hope the demons have stopped. Rest well. For the Williams family, I pray that you can cope with this most difficult of deaths and move on with your lives.

As always...

Standing by your beliefs may be harder than you think...

We each have a set of principles which we use to guide our actions and decision making.  These principles can be a philosophy or set of "core values." Maybe you believe in a set of Devine rules like the 10 Commandments. These are just a few examples of the types of guides we, as civilized people, use to help us make decisions in our daily lives.

No matter what principles you live by, situations come up in life which are easy to reconcile with our particular beliefs. In those cases, no matter what you believe, I have no problem with you. My problem  occurs when your stated belief system interferes with your desires of the time. We all see this phenomenon every day.

Hypocrites are the most common type of "sinner" you find. They can be found every day, in every place. You don't like the rules of your belief system for some reason so, let's abandon it! Let's go find something that seems more trendy and "hip". There is always something else in vogue that will afford me the recognition I so dearly crave and rightly deserve.

I have an extended family member who, disliking the Catholic church and it's form of Christian worship, switched to the Southern Baptist Church in College. Fine. But, when that Church's rules conflicted with their desires, another change was in order and then another. Finally, it was back to home plate and the Catholic Church was happy to take my family member back.

But, as it is with people who believe in only themselves, this person soon became unhappy with the ways of the Catholic Church. Now it was time to put the Episcopal Church to the test.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with any of the Churches mentioned above. I have no issue with any faith besides my own. I have an issue with someone professing to believe in something when it's easy and abandoning those beliefs when the going gets difficult.

Are the doctrines we live by just words? I can read the Torah but, that doesn't make me Jewish. I can read the Koran and similarly, I have not become a Muslim. The words in these sacred books must be more than just words.

If you are a Christian, The words of the Bible mean more to you than just a written history.

In the past, I have spoken of the Core Values of the Department of the Navy. Honor, Courage and Commitment. I believe in those words. I fully understand their meaning and do my best to live by their spirit. To me, they are NOT just three lofty sounding words.

I discussing the problem of sexual assault in the military with an officer a couple of weeks ago. We agreed on two things. The reason it is such a problem in the military is because it is part of the culture. Worse yet, the Core Values of the services have become "just words." Yes, they are taught to everyone and refresher training is given but, the military culture does not hold everyone's feet to the fire and require that they live by those values and thus, they are just words.

So, those guiding principles have been, in many ways; abandoned.

In short, we wind up in the same situation as the person who jumps from one belief system to another. We wind up with a culture that believes in nothing at all.

My friends, don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in. When it is difficult is when your beliefs need you most. Your opinion may not be popular but, it's yours and you will be respected for standing up.

By the way, my family member now professes to be Buddhist. I won't even get into that.

I hope my ramblings have given you something to think about or at least entertained you.

As always...

Just some thoughts about life in general.

Many people have a difficult time dealing with life on life's own terms. So, in view of recent events in my life and the life of friends and family, I sit, once again at the computer and put together my brand of wisdom. It's free to read and like any free advise; take it or leave it. My humble opinion.

It's nearly 6 in the morning and I have been up for several hours. I'm listening to some easy jazz piano as the rest of the house sleeps. It's looking to be a fairly decent day (for a Monday). Oh, wait! It is a wonderfully amazing day! Let's make a list:

1. I am alive. At 58 and nearly a month, I have outlived my older brother by more than a year! This is a good thing. Any time on this side of the dirt is "good," by any standard.

2. I have family that loves me including a beautiful granddaughter who lights up my heart at the mere thought of her. I make no secret that I love my 4 grown children but, there is a special place in the heart for grandchildren.

3. A second grandchild is soon to be born. Rumor has it that this will be a boy. I'm very happy for my daughter and her wonderful husband. I know that they are great parents and will do a fine job with this child as they have with their daughter. For me, I wish for 10 finger and 10 toes with everything else in the standard places, functioning within the accepted norms. I'm easy to please. My only job is to love and spoil the child.

4. I have pretty good health. With the help of the fine Doctors and Corpsmen at the Naval Hospital, who perform regular medical maintenance on this old Sailor, I should be around for a while longer. I can only hope.

Now, that's enough of a list. In no place on it did I mention the pursuit of wealth or approval from anyone else. We live a rather modest life here. The bills are paid and there is food on the table at meal time. From all reports, the food is better than average.  We have enough to share if someone we know develops a need. That meets our requirements.

The pursuit of unlimited wealth is a fruitless task and unhealthy at best. It is well established in history and in Biblical scripture that the "Love" of money is the root of all evil. We can look at history and see that it is so.

Recently, an high school acquaintance was indicted for securities fraud. The amounts of money this person stole we huge, almost beyond imagining. If his intellectual efforts had been pointed towards his honest labors, think how the outcome would have been changed. Certainly a possibility.

The Navy has been posting on Social Media that they want to know why people serve. Everyone has different reasons for serving their country. I never met anyone who did it for the money.

Another issue that has been on my mind is abusive relationships and how people react to them. Now, I am not going to pretend that I have all the answers but, I am going to give some general advice which has served my family and me well through the years: You do NOT need someone ELSE in your life to validate your worth.

This sounds simple but, in practice it becomes very difficult. We all develop attachments. Friends, Lovers, Spouses, Children. They are all sources of feedback and we like to get "Positive" feedback or affirmation. Praise is nice but not a requirement. Love is nice but if you are not getting it in the relationship you are in, get out and move on!

Interpersonal relationships are a two way street. There are two people in them and there has to be participation which benefits both parties. If you are doing all the giving and the other person is doing all the taking, there is a clear signal that this is not working.

You would be surprised who falls into this "neediness" trap. Someone who may appear strong and independent to the outside world turns to a bowl of jello when it comes to their life partner. This is a bad situation.  You have to learn to let go. A failed relationship is not a reflection of you. It's just a failed relationship. You can have many more. Some will fail. Some will be successful.  Relationships are like fresh fruit, if it is spoiled, you have to get rid of it before it contaminates the rest of the fridge.

Remember, everyone is worthwhile as long as they are honest and sincerely do their best at whatever they choose to do (within the civilized rules).  You don't need my approval or anyone else's.

Finally, I'd like to mention that there are those out there who sell themselves short. They work tirelessly to do for others and then say; "Well, I only do xxx." If you do something for others, you are a special person among the crowd which we call humanity. In this day, we are all worried about ourselves and we tend to forget that a life of service can be one of the most rewarding lives imaginable. I don't care if you send cards to deployed troops or feed the veterans at the VFW at the Friday fish fry. You are supporting those who sacrificed for you. BRAVO ZULU (Means Well Done in Navy Signals). We all serve others in so many ways, don't sell your contribution short.

Sometimes it can be something as small as a greeting  or a smile. Yesterday, a woman with three children and a full grocery cart spilled a package out of the cart. I picked it up for her. You would have thought that I had given her 20 dollars by her reaction. She was so thankful.

To me, it was a small act of kindness. Good manners. But, my small gesture meant a lot to the woman who just did not have enough hands to do everything she wanted to do at that moment.  You never know.

Well, that's it for today. I hope what I had to say made some sense. If not; chalk it up to the ramblings of an insane old Sailor. In any case, stay safe and remember: Happiness is a choice.

As Always...

If we can "force march" our children, let's bring back the whip!

Well, I've been reading the news again. This is a dangerous activity for me. When I read the news, I start to think. When I think, I get kind of angry at the just downright dumb things people do.

Today's news story winner is: Tammy Holland. The principle of Manchester Elementary School, located just outside of Fayetteville, NC.

The problem was simple. Several children failed to wear their school uniforms on the last day of the school year. Did Ms. Holland gather the offending children in the office or auditorium and notify parents? Did she direct teachers to give the offending children an incomplete for the final day? Did she just shrug her shoulders and say; "Oh well, it's the last day of school. Kids will be kids." ?

No! Not our heroic educator and molder of young minds. She allowed her ego to take over and decided to "think outside of the box", WAY, WAY outside of the box. She directed that the offending children be taken to the school's dirt track and be forced to trudge around outside, in the heat, without water until a parent either produced a uniform or picked their child up. Wow! They are serious down in North Carolina. Is forced marching in the school district handbook?

During this "punishment march" the temperatures  climbed beyond the high 70's and humidity made the temperature seem worse. But, staff was forbidden to administer hydration to the children .

When the one parent who was quoted in the news story was contacted by the school, she was neither told of the emergent nature of the situation or the urgency required in getting to school.

The superintendent of the school district has said that "IF" there is an issue, it will be addressed.

In this day and age of political correctness and "fairness" to all, how can a school administrator think that this solution was the correct action to take? All of this because of a uniform infraction which was a miscommunication to begin with.

If there is an issue was the question. I think it is fairly obvious that there is an issue with Ms. Holland.  After this incident, I would not trust her with the safety of a goldfish! Forget about any child.

Heat illness are life threatening. Anyone working at any task outside in heat and humidity needs to stay hydrated. The human body goes from well regulated to overheated and shut down in a matter of minutes! Children are very susceptible to this type of injury. Yes, even children know to stay hydrated. Who remembers drinking water from the nearest garden hose as a child? I sure do.

One day last week, my wife was working on one of her projects outside in the heat and failed to stay hydrated. She suffered horrible cramps and nausea. Not to mention nearly debilitating headaches. It took 2 days before she was feeling like herself again.

I hope Ms. Holland is removed as principle of the school in question and is not put in charge of children in any other school.

For the rest of us, stay hydrated. If you are outside, bring a water bottle and use it.  Better to drink a little water (Not soda) and remain healthy than risk overheating and winding up in the hospital, or worse.

As always...

Dear Abby...

First of all...Happy Father's Day to all those Dads, Granddads and those posing as "Dad". I hope you all enjoy your day.

Now, on to the subject at hand. I read with interest a "Dear Abby" column this morning from a woman who's mother-in-law watches her children "free" of charge but always asks her to bring a pack of cigarettes over. The young mother doesn't like doing this and wanted a way to tell her mother-in-law how she felt.

"Abby" advised the woman to look on the American Lung Association web site and research the ill effects of second hand smoke on children and then use that as a reason to not buy the cigarettes. Abby, your advice is usually good but, in this case it's not quite on the mark.

Having been a smoker for 40+ years and now a non-smoker, I can tell you that the only way to get someone you care about to quit is to be straight up and honest with them. Our letter writer need not find an excuse such as her children's health to avoid buying cigarettes. She need only say: "Mom, I have nothing but love for you and do so greatly appreciate you watching the children for me. However, your smoking is not healthy for you or any of us. I know you want to see the children grow and become adults and for those and many other reasons, I will no longer enable your smoking habit.

For the cost of a pack of cigarettes, you can get a bouquet of fresh flowers at Walmart or a convenience store. Bring her the flowers instead. The house will smell better and they look nice too.

The letter writer said that her mother-in-law had been trying to quit for years. This action would help her by making it inconvenient for her to smoke.

Of course, there is always the open heart surgery option for quitting. It worked for me. But, it doesn't work for everyone.

I guess my point is simple: If there is someone in your life you would like to quit smoking, tell them! Don't make excuses. None are necessary.

For all my friends who still smoke: I wish you would quit. But, if you continue I will remain right by your side, as I always have been. I know, when the time is right for YOU, it will happen. But, I won't be bringing a pack of smokes over to your house for you.

As Always...

70 years later...Why we fight remains the same.

In the predawn stillness of the French coast, the English Channel erupted into a hell on earth, the likes of which had never been seen before. The invasion of Europe had begun and the end of the beginning (as Winston Churchill referred to it) started.

That was 70 years ago today. Tens of thousands of allied fighting men would give their lives on this fateful day in 1944. They all knew the risk and they did their duty, not for themselves but rather to preserve freedom throughout the continent of Europe and thus the world.

The operation was called "Overlord". Today, that name is common knowledge but 70 years ago, few people knew what it meant. General Eisenhower called this day the "Day of days." He would stake his reputation on the success or failure of the landings and waited for reports from beaches called "Juno, Sword, Utah, Omaha, Home and Gold. These were the names of the beaches were the troops came ashore. A place called Normandy.

The plan was not foolproof and victory was far from assured but, the allies had done their best to anticipate every contingency in their attempt to break through Hitler's "Fortress Europe". Truly, the outcome of the war would hang in the balance on this day.

The allies fought to restore justice and freedom to the Continent of Europe and from there; the rest of the world. The war in the Pacific would still have to be won but the defeat of Germany would come first.

In the end, our way of life is preserved and 5 generations have been born since that fateful day, 70 years ago.  We see our children grow in happiness and prosperity as they raise children of their very own because of the sacrifice of those brave men of Operation Overlord. They fought so our way of life could continue.

Many years ago, I was just a teenager watching a movie about a WWII Admiral and my mother walked in the room. She stopped and watched for a few minutes. Turning to me, she had a tear in her eye and said "He was a great Admiral. Let's hope we never need one like him again." That sentiment still holds true today.

To call those WWII Veterans "The Greatest Generation" just doesn't seem to be enough. But, it will have to do.

To all of our WWII veterans, especially those who stormed the beaches of Normandy 70 years ago today, a special prayer of thanks on this "Day of days."

As always...

Let's look at a real hero.

In an effort to stay away from politics, I've slowed down my blog. However, recent events in the National news drive me to sit at the computer and share some thoughts about the subject of Prisoners of War.

Recently, a certain United States Army Sergeant was released from captivity in Afghanistan.  He was reported to be the ONLY United States Prisoner in that theater of operations. His release was immediately hailed as a victory for the United States and our cause to defeat the Taliban. Having survived years of captivity, the Sergeant was hailed, a HERO!

As the days passed and the news cycle chugged along, stories began to circulate that the media's newest hero was not quite what he seemed.  Questionable "twitter" posts were deleted but still made it into the media and stories about this soldier began to surface from members of his own squad/platoon which called the character of our "hero" into question.

It would seem that rather than being hailed as a hero, many believe that he needs to be prosecuted as a traitor to America. Now, Treason is a very strong word and as a crime in the United States, it is very specific. If the stories of desertion while deployed in an Hostile Fire zone are true, the very serious charge of Desertion (Article 85; UCMJ) may be brought. Under the circumstances, the penalty can be as grave as death or such other punishment as a Courts Martial may direct.

I mention all of this because I do not believe any of it will happen. In the political climate that this country now enjoys, it has been said that the Soldier involved has had enough of a harrowing experience that he and his family should not "suffer" any more. As this is my blog, I get to voice my opinion. This is in fact the wrong attitude. Members of the Uniformed Services of the United States are held to a higher standard than civilians. Many civilians do not understand that standard. This is exactly why civilians do not sit in judgement at a general courts-martial.

If the Sergeant did in fact desert his post, an investigation in accordance with the Uniformed Code of Military Justice should be undertaken to determine the facts. Furthermore, if while a "captive" if this same service member did not comport himself to the best of his ability with the Code of Conduct for Prisoners of War, that too is cause for discipline. Only by appropriate investigation by proper authority, free of political pressure can the people of this country maintain faith in our government and it's armed forces.

Above, you will find a picture of a hero of mine. Vice Admiral James B. Stockdale, USN (RET) (1923-2005). You may notice the Medial of Honor the Admiral wears. He received it for his conduct while the Senior Prisoner of War in Vietnam. One of his most noteworthy acts was that he beat his head and face against a stone wall just before he was to be filmed for propaganda pictures. This action, together with his leadership of the other prisoners helped convince his captors that they could not use the Americans for propaganda and conditions improved.

As a 19 year old Seaman, on my first ship; in 1976, I met Admiral Stockdale when he visited our ship in Holly Loch, Scotland. He addressed the entire crew through the ship's TV system and told us some of what had gone on while he was a prisoner. Admiral Stockdale was a modest and soft spoken man who when he spoke and a conviction in his voice which told all of us that he was absolutely convinced of the "rightness" of what he was doing, both when he was a prisoner and then, inspiring  Sailors to always do their duty first, last and always.

It's been 38 years since the day I got to shake the hand of an honest to goodness American Hero. I remember it like it was yesterday. I imagine I always will.

In view of the stories about America's latest POW, I thought you would might like to hear the story of how one Sailor met the challenge of combat and capture. Certainly, no stories of desertion or collaboration surround his name.

Read more about VADM James Bond Stockdale via Google.

As Always...

Unconditional Love still has consequences...

Whether our children are 3 or 30, we always love them. We just might not like what they do. As the parent of adult children, you have the right to take umbrage with what your adult child does, especially when they do something really dumb.

Be prepared when you bring their idiotic choices to the table of conversation. You will be met with hostility, anger and finally the guilt card will be played. "If you loved me..." or "Maybe, if you supported me when I was younger, I wouldn't be in the situation today."

Phrases such as those are designed for two things. 1. To deflect responsibility for their own actions/choices. 2. Create guilt in the parent. Children, especially adult children are very good at doing both. All you can do as a parent is smile and nod. Tell them you are sorry they feel that way and move on. After all, the child in question is no longer 3.

One day, several years ago, my oldest stormed into my house, came barging into my bedroom and began shouting at me. There was no preamble or greeting of any sort. Just hollering. My reaction to hollering is simple. No one gets to holler at me. (Well, maybe my wife but, no one else.) Therefore, I ignore the noise and carry on. When my daughter had finished yelling, I asked if she was indeed finished and told her that she should feel free to leave. "Come back when you can act as an adult." Was the phrase I used.

My daughter was shocked . She never thought I would invite her to leave my home. She did after all, have a place of her own so, why not? As her parting shot she announced that she was no longer my "little girl."

She tore out of the house and her car threw up dirt as she spun her wheels leaving the yard. Guess what. A week later, this woman who said she didn't need me came over and needed my help. Of course, I helped her.

Now, several years later, my daughter still calls me nearly daily. I guess she grew up.

I have friends who's children have done really bad things and the parents have had to tell them the hard facts. The adult children don't like to hear the hard facts. No one likes to hear that they have screwed up or that they are screwing up their lives or worse, the lives of their Spouse and children. But, as a parent, we have a responsibility to be honest with our children, even when they are chronologically adults.

When you are honest in the extreme situation with the offending "child", they don't like it and things can get ugly. Finally they ask: "Why are you doing this to ME?" I recommend at that point, simply remind the person that you are not doing anything. What they are experiencing at this moment are the consequences of their own actions and choices.

So, when your child gets hurtful, remember, at some point you have to force them to face the consequences of their actions and choices. Eventually the bill does come due for everyone. It doesn't mean you don't continue to love that child who is now an adult. You make them face life because you do love them. That's your only job.

Oh, after the confrontation is done, a stiff shot of vodka or other adult beverage is authorized. Give me a call, I'll join you.

As Always...

To smoke or not to smoke...

The question seems simple enough: To Smoke or NOT to Smoke. We all know that it is bad for us health wise yet, millions of Americans still consume tobacco products to the detriment of their health.  Unfortunately, the habit is also to the detriment of the health of everyone around the smoker too.

Before I go any further, let me say that if you are a smoker and you want to continue, that's your business. I am just going to pass along some information and my own experience as a former smoker of 44 years.

I am not going to try and "Scare you straight" with horror stories of former smokers who have died horrible deaths. I won't even post the picture of me in the ICU of the Naval Hospital after open heart surgery. I'm sure you all know about the risks associated with smoking. I was and I chose to ignore them.

But, one day about 10 days after my heart surgery, my surgeon, came to check on me. He was concerned because there had been some major post-operative complications with my case.  Please not that I said this was some 10 days after the surgery. I was originally scheduled to go home 3 days post-op. I asked the doctor if the complications were due to my smoking. He told me that they most likely were. Folks, I had nearly died. Not fun. I scared my wife and children, not to mention many of my friends.

The way I quit after so many years was kind of frightening. The cardiologist was very blunt as she was threading a catheter through my cardiac arteries. She said I needed to quit smoking or I was going to die! She wasn't saying this in a frightening voice. She was very matter-of-fact. Clinical.

When I got back to my hospital room, I told my wife to go home and throw away all my cigarettes. She laughed at me and told me that she already had gotten rid of them.

There are complications to open heart surgery. One of them is damage to vocal function. Well, guess which complication I got. The day after I got home from the hospital, my voice disappeared. I was unable to speak clearly. As it turns out, I have now got a paralyzed vocal cord. Several surgeries later, my voice is stronger but, I have to go to speech therapy regularly to learn the correct way to talk and swallow. All due to my choice to smoke.

I am not complaining. I made the choice. I was warned more times than I can count and I still persisted in smoking. So, this is the price I pay. At least I am still alive to talk about it.

My son is the only one left in my family who still smokes. I hate it. I can't stand the smell and the idea that he would continue to smoke after watching what I went through just baffles me. But, that is his choice.  I got him e-cigarettes for Christmas; at his request. He says he lost them. OK, that's fine. Again, that's his choice. I just read an article that e-cigarettes are not an effective stop smoking tool anyway.

I honestly believe that the best tool for smoking cession is right between your ears. Your brain. If you are a smoker, wanting to quit, you need to get your head in the right place. You have to be ready to honestly quit. If not, it won't work.

I do know that when you are ready to quit, there are a lot of resources out there to help you achieve your goal. It's not easy. A habit of decades will not go away in just a week or a month.  It will take a commitment like none before. I promise that.

Under my circumstances, it was easy to quit. I was scared out of my mind. The prospect of open-heart surgery is daunting to say the least. The doctor's clinical pronouncement really got my attention and from that moment on, I have not had the idea of smoking ever again.

I can smell a smoker from 15 feet away now. I avoid the smell. My food tastes better and I find it easier to do many things. I hope that I didn't wait to long to quit and I can avoid further health problems due to smoking.

Finally, just one other point. When I started smoking, some time around 1969, Cigarettes cost around 25 cents a pack (more or less). Now, with all the taxes etc. a pack of Salem (my brand of choice) cost $ 7.58 (minimum legal price in NJ). $ 2,774.28 if you budget only 1 pack a day. I know that I can find lots of better uses for nearly 3 thousand dollars in a year.

As always...

If I didn't read it, I wouldn't believe it...(or Stupid News)...

I enjoy reading my news. I read all sorts of things: Politics, National News, International happenings and "Human Interest" stories. Sometimes, I run across news stories that seem so stupid that it's hard to believe that they could even be thought of, forget true. I'm sure you have all seen stories that fit this category and have thought that there is little hope for the species if these people are the future, forget about our culture. With this all in mind, I have picked a couple of the best for your enjoyment or horror. It depends on your point of view. Just remember what the comedian says: "You can't fix Stupid."

Our first story begins with a young "Lady" who doesn't know that people other than her friends read the Social Media page "Facebook." It seems that back in February, this young woman of 21 years had been contacted by her probation officer and told to report for a breathalyzer examination. This was in accordance with the terms of the woman's probation. (She was on probation for a DUI offense.) Our heroine reported to her probation officer and had the breathalyzer test administered. She passed and was sent on her way.

Upon returning home, she accessed her personal Facebook page and updated her status. (I paraphrase here as I can't write in the non-english language she used.) "What a buzzkill. Had to go to probation and get breathalyzer (sic). Thank goodness I passed cuz I was out getting wasted last night." Unfortunately, for this flower of American Womanhood,  a law enforcement officer saw the post. (You really should know who you "friend" on Social Media.) As was his duty to do, he reported his discovery to probation. The woman was contacted by her probation officer who, was not pleased at all with the probationer's reported conduct and was told to report immediately for a urinalysis.

Our offender decided that the best way to handle this new development in her legal entanglements was to HANG UP on her probation officer. Now, I have never been on probation but, I do know people who have been. From what they tell me and what I can deduce from other sources; probation officers don't take to kindly to being hung up on. Our alleged offender has a court appearance today. I find it ironic that it's April Fools day.

Stupid News, Part 2.

My youngest son hates the gym "Planet Fitness." I've asked him why and he won't give me a specific answer. I use this establishment and find no fault but, to be fair; I'm an old, fat Sailor and no one will ever accuse me of being a poster boy for physical fitness. I exercise to keep my blood sugar down and my heart working, per doctor's orders. Perhaps this next story is an example as to why my son dislikes this particular organization.

A recent news photo showed an attractive woman in exercise clothing with a caption: "Woman asked to leave Planet Fitness for being too fit."

Excuse me? Isn't that the goal? Planet Fitness defends this policy by saying that the woman's fitness level might offend less fit members. You've got to be kidding me! From my point of view, I would be asking this woman what she did to get and stay so wonderfully fit and would she become my exercise buddy? Planet Fitness should hire her as a spokesperson to show what regular attendance at their facilities can achieve!

I understand that this gym has a policy of not making the less fit feel bad when compared to the more fit but, this is just a stupid situation that should never have happened. As a result of this, I will be canceling my Planet Fitness membership when the year is up (June or July, I think) and joining another "Health Club". It's worth the money in my book not to enrich a company that carries a well meaning policy to extremes. There are plenty of gyms out there. I'll pick one.

Stupid News, Part 3.

Finally, we come to the dumbest and most concerning of all the stupid news stories of late. A 5 year old in an undisclosed Orlando, FL elementary school was prevented from Praying before eating her lunch. She told her parents that she was told by the "lunch teacher" that praying was "bad." When the child tried to pray a second time, she was stopped by the same teacher.  When asked by the parents about this, the school principle stated that he had looked into the incident and no one on the staff remembers ever telling any child that they could not pray at lunch time. (Big surprise.)

Just a reminder for all those who need it. The Constitution prohibits the establishment of a religion by the Government. It doesn't mandate the absence of any religion. Furthermore: the First Amendment guarantees that the "Free exercise" of religion shall not be prohibited. Although the school may be prohibited from promoting a prayer during instructional time, it certainly is appropriate for a child to "give thanks" for her meal prior to eating it.  School employees obviously require further training and closer supervision. I wouldn't buy the "no one remembers" excuse from the principle either.

That's the "Stupid News" for now. I hope you all have enjoyed it. Enjoy your "April Fools Day."

As always...

It takes more than a Uniform...

I'd like to tell you a story about a Sailor who was just doing his job, in his home port, on a quiet evening in Norfolk, Virginia.

Imagine yourself on duty with Security Forces, Naval Station, Norfolk, VA. Responding to a disturbance at Pier 1, MA2 Mark Mayo is shot and killed by an intruder when he inserted his body between the shooter and a member of the ship's crew on the Quarterdeck of USS Mahan (DDG-72).

The shooter was killed by other members of the ship's security force. The Commanding Officer of Mahan described Petty Officer Mayo's actions as "Nothing short of heroic."

As the time has passed since this incident; I continue to think about what makes a person place themselves in harm's way? What makes a person volunteer to do so?

The U. S. draft ended in the early 1970's and the country has had an all volunteer force since that time. No longer are there draftees or disenchanted youths, "sentenced" by well meaning jurists to join the military as punishment for youthful misdeeds.  We raise our hands willingly and take on the responsibility to defend our country.

I have read recently that it has been said that young people join the service because they can not get a good education or because they have no other choice. Well, you can get a good education in the service so, I don't see a problem there. As for choices; there are always alternatives.

If you look up at the picture for today's writing, you see United States Sailors, standing tall in their dress uniform. I must comment now and say that it takes much more than a "spiffy" uniform, a shoe shine and a straight back to make an effective member of the Armed Forces of the United States.

Many who have not been there have no idea of the responsibilities that these young men and women hold. They take their responsibilities very seriously and carry out their duty well and faithfully. They face long hours in poor working conditions for little pay when compared to civilian counterparts.

Worse, all members of the Uniformed Services face life threatening danger each and every day that they serve. Ask Petty Officer Mayo's family if they thought he was safe at Naval Station Norfolk, VA. I'll bet they would tell you "Yes!"

It takes something inside a person to make them understand that they may have to sacrifice themselves for something greater than themselves. It takes something even greater to actually do it! This comes with training but, it has to be there to begin with. In order to be subject to discipline, a person must be willing to subject himself to discipline.  The uniform just identifies the person, it doesn't speak to the fortitude which lies within.

The funny thing is, when people are serving, they don't think of the danger that they live with. It's part of the job and the culture. But, as a parent of two Marines, I can say without shame that the proudest day of my life was when they both graduated from Parris Island. The day I felt most relived was the day they came home, Honorably Discharged. I don't know how my Mother survived my career. She never said a word about the stress my being in the Navy caused. I do know she was proud and relieved to see me retire.

For Master-at-Arms Second Class Mark Mayo, USN, we salute you and all those who serve and protect us. Your service and sacrifice will never be forgotten.

Rest well, Shipmate. The watch stands relieved.

As always...

It's OK to cry. In fact, it's encouraged.

I know it's been about 2 weeks since my last entry here but, things have been busy and I have just not felt like writing. But, a dear friend told me what my small corner of the web means to her and it got me to thinking and thus, writing again.

I want to talk to you about honesty commitment and our reaction when the trust of a commitment is destroyed. I bring this subject to your attention today because the violation of the most personal and intimate trust happens more often than you might think; even today in our "enlightened" society.

A good friend of mine has a daughter who recently got married. She thought she had found true love and was finally allowed to marry and openly be true to herself and the woman she loved. The marriage happened and six months later, it's finished. Why? The spouse of my friend's daughter was "engaged" to another. Not only that but it turns out that the marriage to my friend's daughter was a sham from the beginning. Yes, my friends. The woman wanted medical coverage, a cell phone, car and insurance.

This was all discovered when a set of designer rings was found by my friend's daughter. When the entire story came out, she was told that she should not be "so trusting". Excuse me! I've been married 33 years this june 16th. That would not happen without trust. What this woman has done is an emotional rape of the worst kind. There is no other way to describe it.

Talking to my friend (mother of the abused party) my concern continues to grow because her daughter is ; in her attempt to be "strong", internalizing her hurt feelings and broken heart and engaging in behaviors which can jeopardize her career. This is where we get to the point of this blog entry.

When faced with this type of betrayal (it is not as uncommon as you may think), it is important to get the help you need so you may deal with the emotions that go along with this type of trauma. The problem with emotional trauma is that it can not be readily seen and thus is easy to ignore or minimize.

If the above relationship had resulted in violence and someone had ended up in the hospital, the injuries would be there for all to see. Since the wounds are emotional and psychological, they are not as easily recognizable to those not looking. Trust me, friends. I have some experience in this area.

My friend's daughter has had her heart ripped out. She will most likely take the advice to not trust so easily to her soul. Unfortunately, this may mean that it will be difficult for her to trust in others ever again. I can only hope that is not the outcome.

If it were up to me, I would wish for a special place in the afterlife for people who take advantage of the loving nature of some people. In the mean time, my advice is for my friend to take her daughter and a bottle of wine, cuddle under a blanket and encourage her to just cry it out. The emotional release will do her good. It's just one evening of ridding yourself of the baggage and poison that this relationship caused. After that, she can stand up, dust herself off and march forward with her life. No one need know that for one evening she wasn't a "Woman of the new century" It's OK to just be Momma's little girl who has suffered an unimaginable hurt and just needs her Momma to comfort her.

Just my opinion.

As Always...

The message is in the music. (It's not your parent's old standards any more)

My taste in music can best be described as eclectic. I listen to everything from the Military Bands of the United States Armed Forces (Navy and Marine Corps being my favorite) to Mozart.  Anything in between is perfectly acceptable as long as it meets the "American  Bandstand" critic's rule.

Each Saturday afternoon for some 36 years (1952-1988), Dick Clark would host this "Teen" show which showcased the popular songs of the day. At some point during the show, a couple would critique the featured song. If they liked it, their comment invariably would be: "It's got a good beat and I can dance to it."

That's my test. If I can discern the melody, the song is a winner in my book. Unfortunately, much of the popular music of today fails that simple test. Thank goodness I'm deaf in one ear.

Sometimes, I listen to the old standard patriotic songs that we all used to learn in grade school. I don't know if they teach them any more. In this day of political correctness and shrinking school budgets, there is either no money for music programs or the schools are afraid of offending someone who is a "visitor" to our fair land.

I understand the cutting of elective classes such as music, art and the like. Many believe that the humanities have no place in the public school system because they are not basic skills. I disagree but, that is for another blog and another day.

Fortunately, we do have musicians in this country and others who learned the humanities and thus can exercise their imagination, creating new music from the old and thus, giving us an entirely new experience with the same music.

The amazing thing about music is, the same melody can be arranged in an infinite number of ways which while keeping the essence of the original, creates a new mood and thus a new musical experience. So, depending on our frame of mind, we can listen to whatever suits us while never changing the piece of music. Now, that would be a study I would love to participate in.

So, with that in mind, I come to what inspired my ramblings of the day. One of the most heartfelt pieces of patriotic music; in my opinion is "My Country tis of thee." Most of us know this famous melody, of course. It's the same as the British National Anthem (God Save the Queen). The words in the American standard are equally familiar and very clearly tell the patriotic story of what America was and should be.

At first glance, this all may seem rather boring because of the familiarity of the tune but, remember; music can be transformed simply by changing the arrangement.

Yesterday I spend most of the day at various doctor's offices and was pretty tired when I got home. As is my habit when I want to relax, I put my headphones on and listened to some tunes. In my iTunes collection I have an arrangement of "My Country Tis of Thee" performed by Steven Stills and Graham Nash. What a far cry from the simple tune we learned as children this is. With it's haunting melody and emotionally delivered lyric, I was moved as usual when listening to good music. For that minute and 42 seconds, the troubles of my day seemed to melt away as I listened to the promise that the idea of our Country holds.

That brings me to my point. The music doesn't have to be the same as when we learned it. It can be adapted for any audience. The message in that music will always remain the same. I've given you one example of a patriotic tune. The idea is not limited to simply patriotic music. Take any tune you like. Find anything that touches you and look for it's message. I might not care for some arrangements of music but, some do like it and that's what counts because the music speaks to us all in one way or another. The message is there. All you have to do is listen for it.

As always...

Oh, how we love our daughters.

Pictured above is Miss Rachel Canning of Morris County, NJ. Of course, this picture was taken in happier times for the 18 year old. You see, it seems that this young Miss was unhappy with the rules of her parents's house and so, in a fit of "spoiled brattiness" she "moved out."

It seems this all happened in October of 2013 but, Rachel's idea of "moving out" is slightly different than mine. I moved out when I was 19. I too, moved out of my father's home in Union County, New Jersey (about 20 minutes from Morris County) but, when I moved out; I joined the United States Navy, supported myself and never looked back. When I came home, it was to visit.

Miss Canning moved in with her best friend's family and now expects her parents to continue to support her. This expected support to take the form of tuition in the local private Catholic High School (Rachel's senior year), a car and living expenses and an "allowance." This daughter of the Garden State and flower of American youth further expects her parents to pay college expenses.

She is so secure in her claim that she has convinced the father of her best friend to finance a law suit against her parents in order to be declared a dependent student.

There are several issues here that just cause my insides to churn and my head to ache. First, is the idea that a teenager who makes a choice to leave her parent's home now faced with the realities of the situation expects those same parents to continue to pay her way simply because she is their daughter. She maintains that her mother and father "threw her out" of the family home. In their defense of the law suit, the parents maintain that Miss Rachel left in a "huff" after an argument over curfew and chores in the home.

The second issue that just drives me to distraction is the fact that the "best friend's" parents are financing the law suit. As the father of two girls, I can fully understand the idea of taking one of my daughter's teenage girl friends in for one night as as a cooling off period after a big argument with her parents. Of course, I would take her in rather than leave her out in the cold. It does get rather chilly in northern New Jersey in October. After allowing the girl to spend 1 night, my next act would be to call her folks and let them know she is safe and secure for the evening. My second action would not be to plant the idea of a law suit against the parents in the girl's mind or in any way facilitate that legal action. I would however, counsel the young lady to go back to her parents in the morning after tempers and emotions have calmed down and work the issues out as the adult she claims to be. That is what adults in families do.

Once the friend's parents allowed the girl to remain in their home for months on end, they undermined the position of her parents as parents who know what is best for their daughter. Remember, what the friend or her parents think is right or wrong in this family situation is not relevant to the issues. Only three people can solve this problem: Mom, Dad and Daughter.

This is exactly what I hate about children reaching the age of majority at 18. I understand the reasoning behind it but as a practical matter, it doesn't work well in many cases. For that matter, I know a lot of 21 year olds who have no business calling themselves adults either.

But, in the situation we are discussing, it is very clear what has happened. We have a young girl who was raised with most of the advantages life has to offer. When she reached the age of majority, she decided that she no longer had to follow the rules of the home as set down by her parents. Remember, it is the parents who are paying the bills in the home. There's an old rule that is still valid today, "My house, my rules." As long as the rules are not abusive, if the girl wants the advantages of living in the home, she has to follow the house rules. It's a simple concept.

It seems that the New Jersey court agrees. Yesterday the judge in the case denied the request of the plaintiff, Miss Rachel Canning for her parents to pay her High School tuition, living expenses or provide an allowance to the young lady. the question of college tuition is still to be decided. April 2, is the next court date.

Of course, this all could be avoided if Miss Rachel would just talk to her mother and father, move back in the home she has always been welcome in and keep her room clean and; God forbid, help Mom around the house a little bit!

The age of entitlement, come home to roost!

As always...